What do you want for Christmas?

[Kirk W]

Every year our sons ask us that question, and every year it is more difficult to answer. It seems like we have most of the things that we might ask for except for things much too expensive to expect our kids to buy. Wondering if others have the problem and perhaps some suggestions about how to deal with it. I do have empathy for the kids as I have not forgotten the same sort of issues with my parents in their later years. 

[sandsys]

Perhaps ask them to donate to charity in your name? My brother-in-law saves all the solicitations he gets all year then at Christmas time the family sits down and decides to which charity each of them wants their "gift" donated.

Linda Sand

[Rover]

As fulltimers we especially have a problem with this as we definitely don’t need more “stuff”. We have asked them to pay for some of our membership fees to various organizations we belong to. They also know which restaurants are our favorites and will get us gift cards for those or for the old stand by, Amazon. My daughter is good at sending along some small consumable items to go along with the GCs like fudge for dad and wax melts for me. Things that get used up and don’t take much space. 
 

Good luck. That’s a hard one to answer each year. 
Vicki

 

[NDBirdman]

I just told my son his mom needs a new Mercedes and I need a new Yarcraft boat.  After he was done chuckling, I told him all we want is to spend time with our family.

[sandsys]

My mother and I were talking snd she told she was sorry to never get some things she wanted when she was young like a music box. I made note of those things and bought them for her for Christmas. She was thrilled. Both with the gifts and with the knowledge I had listened to her and remembered.

Linda.

[FULLTIMEWANABE]

We have had the same challenge for many years now.   Back 30+ years ago more things were made local not overseas, less technology so it was a "new purse", "wallet", favourite perfume that lasted all year+ as only used on special occasions going out, slippers, cardigan/sweater, jewellery item and so on and so forth.   Didn't seem years ago we could just "buy" at will when we wanted it as seem the case in todays age.   So Christmas was always something to look forward to what we had coming.   Now there appears to be an over abundance of stuff an individual has and being able to source from overseas cheaper and Amazon and the likes on online, no one waits for Christmas we've found anyway.

We are even struggling with what to get our 31 year old daughter, never mind her for us.   Most years for us it's slippers, socks, jigsaws, new game, new pjs, clothing items, perfume/aftershave (albeit lasts till it's rancid most of the time!), any odd small items we can think of for the house/RV that needs replacing, and we deliberately don't buy until  after Christmas if needed then.   I also pick up things I see when we travel throughout the year, often forgetting some I've hidden by the time Christmas comes and sometimes saving when found to another following Christmas.  LOL.

Time with our family is our No 1 priority, and anything that's had effort put into it (handmade cards, gifts), means more to us than any store bought in a hurry last minute item just for the sake of having something to give.

FWIW:   We also put away $20 per week each in a teapot from Jan 1st for 50 weeks so we have a lump sum and can decide what to do with it 2 weeks prior to the big day.   Sometimes there's a chunk left over and we can put towards a trip for one or other of us.

[jamtracy]

We are not full-time yet and we still have this issue. As well as each other. We prefer to give to our 3 kids and 5 grandkids. Not a bad thing since we are 56 and 57. Just spending time with all of them is enough for us. But if they do get us something its usually RV related.

[Will B.]

For gift giving, we told the two kids that they were out once they had grandkids.  This effectively shifted the gift-giving attention away from us-to-kids and kids-to-us.  I know that's not 100% an option for everyone, but it works pretty well for us.

My wife and I (married 26 years), haven't given each other gifts in over a decade.  I hate anyone having to go through "what to get, what to get?!?!" issues and I simply will *not* go through it.  Told the wife that if she wants to buy stuff for anyone (her mom or whoever), she has to figure it out without my help.  Because my answer will always be "Gift Card."   I know that isn't a thoughtful gift, and the wife absolutely believes a gift should be thoughtful.  For me, gift giving is a chore.  I know it's a bad way to look at it, and that's why I find it easier to not do gift giving at all, nor to expect any gifts.

That said, however, I still might pick up a trinket in the middle of the year and think "Oh, our friends X and Y would love this!" and actually buy it.  This is always because I want to, not because a birthday or a seasonal holiday demands it.

[GeorgiaHybrid]

Ammo. You can never have enough.

[Blues]

1 hour ago, Will B. said:

My wife and I (married 26 years), haven't given each other gifts in over a decade.  I hate anyone having to go through "what to get, what to get?!?!" issues and I simply will *not* go through it. 

Yeah, I despise the thought that someone goes through that on my account.  I always hated the panicked look on people in malls a few days before Christmas.  Back in the day, I thought I might work the Christmas rush to earn a few bucks, but decided it would make me too sad seeing all these stressed people all the time. 

1 hour ago, Will B. said:

That said, however, I still might pick up a trinket in the middle of the year and think "Oh, our friends X and Y would love this!" and actually buy it.  This is always because I want to, not because a birthday or a seasonal holiday demands it.

That's how I do it.  And I give it to them then, and don't wait for a designated occasion. 

21 hours ago, Kirk W said:

I do have empathy for the kids as I have not forgotten the same sort of issues with my parents in their later years. 

It's too bad we can't just stop the gift-giving industrial complex.  The only people it really makes happy are kids; I can't count the number of adults who lament the obligations, on both sides.  Why do we do this to ourselves?

My mother finally handled it cleverly.  She had five kids and really didn't want us to get her anything.  But we still did it because you know, you're supposed to, and she finally said she wanted only these flat laser-cut Christmas tree ornaments that you see everywhere.  They make cheap gold ones that can be engraved (I gave her one of a sled once, engraved "Rosebud"), and they're popular at souvenir shops, so they can have some meaning. The White House issues one every year.

That way, the kids could fulfill their obligation to get her something AND the ornaments were out of sight for most of the year AND they took up almost no room in storage.  I knew full well she didn't care one bit about these ornaments, and I always appreciated the ruse.  I thought it was the height of thoughtfulness.

[orca]

What i really, really want is to be 10 years younger but i will settle for a pair of socks!

[sandsys]

My mother decided on one thing to buy each grandchild. So my daughter wound up with a collection of angels and my nephew got a collection of soldiers, etc. Solved the problem for Mom but neither kid cared about their "collections".

Linda

[Pat & Pete]

Kids are so foolish , aren't they ? 

[sandsys]

2 hours ago, Blues said:

My mother finally handled it cleverly.  She had five kids and really didn't want us to get her anything.  But we still did it because you know, you're supposed to, and she finally said she wanted only these flat laser-cut Christmas tree ornaments that you see everywhere. ..That way, the kids could fulfill their obligation to get her something AND the ornaments were out of sight for most of the year AND they took up almost no room in storage.

Clever, indeed! 

My choice of ornaments when we went full-time was crocheted snowflakes. Also flat so they required little storage space.

Linda

[Blues]

On 12/16/2021 at 3:07 PM, Pat & Pete said:

Kids are so foolish , aren't they ? 

Foolish for not caring about a collection that was foisted on them, no matter how well intentioned?  Do kids ever turn their nose up at a gift card from somewhere they like?  Adults might, because it might not seem thoughtful enough, but I doubt kids care. 

[Pat & Pete]

32 minutes ago, Blues said:

Foolish for not caring about a collection that was foisted on them, no matter how well intentioned?  Do kids ever turn their nose up at a gift card from somewhere they like?  Adults might, because it might not seem thoughtful enough, but I doubt kids care. 

They are only foolish because they usually don't know any better . 

They simply haven't been around long enough to have a genuine idea of what might lie ahead . 

Just plain and simply stating what should be obvious .

[ms60ocb]

Thinking back to when my Dad was in his 70's, He said he didn't need anything. Well we all like to eat but avoid some meats because of cost. My sister and I decided to buy expensive cuts of beef and I brought meat but not locally available, Dads choice was Buffalo and Elk. Mom always liked something for the kitchen. Surprisingly, my wife and I, now follow the same pattern.

For credit cards, we got burnt a couple years on a couple years ago when a business and restaurant closed before the cards were used. Restaurants, have me a uneasy at this time.

Clay I want to Travel safely and virus free.

[Kirk W]

11 hours ago, ms60ocb said:

My sister and I decided to buy expensive cuts of beef and I brought meat but not locally available

That could be a good answer for any adults. Someone like Omaha Steaks or Kansas City Steaks might be a good answer. Possibly a Seafood Gift Basket or similar depending on taste? So perhaps that sort of thing might be the answer when they next ask what to give?

[NDBirdman]

Our first 20 yrs of marriage, it was hard to buy each other or our kids much, not because of $$, but because of my job.  Every time we moved, and there were many moves, we had to go through and toss/donate lots of items.  It got old quick!  So we got into a minimalist type of Christmas/birthdays, etc.  Now we are mostly stationary in a SnB, I still hate buying much.  Someone wants something, they get it, after a couple uses, it sits in one of our.... hoarder... room/sheds. for years.  We have migrated to what we make with our hands and more gift cards and use them for items we want/need.  I use mine mostly in wood-working or beer brewing supplies.  My better half uses it for her quilting/needle-work.  At-least those items get used and don't collect dust for 10-15 yrs.  At our location, we no longer see much of our family, so for the past few years, amazon gift cards makes them happy.

I agree with previous poster, it's sad to see folks running around looking like a doe in the head-lights stare searching for a gift in the mall.  I sit and think about what Christmas is actually about instead of all of this commercialism that holidays are now about.  I have had friends/family rave about what they receive from us from my shop.  But, there are only so many bowls/platters/cups/flat-work I can make.  Rarely receive a comment from folks when they receive commercial stuff from a store.  And malls.... I wear hearing aids, every ding-ding-ding that goes through my ear drums is like a nail being driven through!  IT HURTS, PLEASE stop this torture!!

Edited December 18, 2021 by NDBirdman

[sandsys]

6 hours ago, Kirk W said:

That could be a good answer for any adults. Someone like Omaha Steaks or Kansas City Steaks might be a good answer. Possibly a Seafood Gift Basket or similar depending on taste? So perhaps that sort of thing might be the answer when they next ask what to give?

Only if they cook. While we used to buy meat like that, it would not be a good gift for us at this stage of our lives living in senior housing with a cafe, a pub, and a restaurant on site and part of our rent being credit to use in those eateries.

Linda

[sandsys]

3 hours ago, NDBirdman said:

I wear hearing aids, every ding-ding-ding that goes through my ear drums is like a nail being driven through!  IT HURTS, PLEASE stop this torture!!

I've been surprised at how easy it is to turn off my hearing aids in noisy environments. In large group gatherings I can't focus on what any one person is saying, anyway, since everything gets amplified equally, including that "background" music.

Linda

[Blues]

20 hours ago, Pat & Pete said:

They are only foolish because they usually don't know any better . 

They simply haven't been around long enough to have a genuine idea of what might lie ahead . 

Just plain and simply stating what should be obvious .

What lies ahead?  Keeping a collection of dolls or soldiers they don't like only because someone gave it to them?  And then have someone deal with it when they die?

[It might be becoming clear why downsizing to an RV wasn't particularly traumatic for me. 😀]

1 hour ago, sandsys said:

I've been surprised at how easy it is to turn off my hearing aids in noisy environments.

 

Being able to turn my hearing aids off in noisy environments is one of the blessings of wearing hearing aids. 

1 hour ago, sandsys said:

Only if they cook. While we used to buy meat like that, it would not be a good gift for us at this stage of our lives living in senior housing with a cafe, a pub, and a restaurant on site and part of our rent being credit to use in those eateries.

Or, you could be like me and not like to cook meat; I do my meat eating in restaurants.

But back like 30 years ago, my mother gave us grown kids food of the month subscriptions.  I remember one year it was a bread and soup of the month, another year was a dessert of the month, and of course fruit of the month.  It's expensive, of course, but that might actually be a good thing when fulfilling the obligation to give a gift.

This was well before the internet, and now that I think about it, I wonder how in the world she found them.  But I just went to the Harry & David website, because I remember that's who she used for the fruit of the month (I still have one of the boxes.  They now have all kinds of monthly subscriptions, including one for English muffins.  Their dessert one is making me really miss having one of those show up at my door every month.

Unfortunately, it wouldn't work if the recipients are fulltimers.  But if you're stationary, it's fun to have food show up semi-unexpectedly, and it's really not enough to conflict with one's regular dining.  The soups were probably a quart, although the loaves of bread were pretty big.  Desserts were like a big cheesecake, and the more the merrier on that, as far as I'm concerned.  Fruit would be like 9 coddled-in-tissue-paper pears.

[Pat & Pete]

48 minutes ago, Blues said:

What lies ahead?  Keeping a collection of dolls or soldiers they don't like only because someone gave it to them?  And then have someone deal with it when they die?

 

Obviously you have little idea of the value of old dolls and soldier figures . 

That's alright . Not everyone knows everything .

[bruce t]

What do I want for Christmas? Oh the usual things like good health for me and everyone else.

But the one biggy that I would love to see is the decommercializing, (is there such a word?), of Christmas. Why the mad rush to spend spend spend? Many going into debt just for what? Do gifts make the receiver or the giver feel good? Have we all become so gullible that we believe all the hype? I guess the answer to that is yes.

As a kid we had HUGE Christmases. Lots of presents. Lots of relatives. Lots of food. Lots of booze. Now just the two of us sit by ourselves because everyone is in a suicidal rush to cram as much into Christmas, and their credit card, as is possible.

No for Christmas I just want the family to get together and laugh and enjoy each others company. This year and last year and the year before we lost dear friends. We can't laugh with them because they are no longer with us. Christmas should be about making the most of what we have and not about giving stuff we don't have let alone want.

Merry Christmas to everyone. Smile and appreciate what you have and who you share it with.

bruce

[rickeieio]

My wife and I make a nice donation to the local food pantry.  We have all we need, plus a little, so perhaps we can make someone else's Christmas a little better.