Some Newbies Don't Want Help

[FL-JOE]

Returned to the CG from a ride yesterday and a fiver had pulled in the site next to us.  As I unloaded some stuff from my bike and did a couple other chores outside I noticed that the woman was sitting behind the wheel of their truck and her spouse was messing with the hitch and front legs of the fiver.  It soon became apparent that he couldn't get the thing unhitched.

I gave him about 20 minutes and then stepped over and asked "having a little trouble unhooking, those hitches can be a problem sometimes".  He didn't say much, just that sometimes it stuck but he was sure he was getting it.  I stood there for a few minutes and watched as he raised his fiver legs way too high, lifting the back of his truck suspension up, then try to release the jaws on his hitch, then repeat the process when it wouldn't unhook.  I wanted to give him some advise and direction but he wasn't overly friendly so I went back to my site to mind my own business.

He finally got his truck unhooked.  His wife parked it and came around to help him hook the utilities up and level.  I couldn't hear what was said but after much debate he used the leveling jacks to completely raise the left wheels off the ground so she could put jack pads under the tires on that side!  I wanted soooooo bad to stop them right there and explain what those jack pads were really for but I didn't.  Of course they hooked up the water without any type of regulator and plugged in to the 50amp without any visible surge protection.  

They went inside and haven't been back out.

[Matthew]

That is the type of Camper that will blame the the RV Dealership for everything the Owner abused?

[rynosback]

Some people just do not want help. Saying, “having a little trouble unhooking, those hitches can be a problem sometimes" probably pissed him off a little.  As he was probably frustrated as it was. I also have watched people for a while like you.  And just said, do you need some help?  I have loaned tools out to people to help them out as they did not have the proper tool for what they were doing. I usually wait to say hello or anything until they are done setting up. As I do not want to interrupt there set up or breakdown procedure.  Because you never know if it is going to turn into a 10 minute conversation. 

Edited May 30, 2019 by rynosback

[mptjelgin]

48 minutes ago, FL-JOE said:

I stood there for a few minutes and watched

I'll bet this helped a lot.  Once someone has indicated that they don't want your help (for whatever reason), leave them the heck alone. I've had situations where someone came over to offer help when I either didn't need it or simply didn't want it from them.  That is just human nature. 

Were you going to give them some unsolicited advice on pressure regulators and surge protectors once you got them unhooked?

 

[FL-JOE]

The last thing I wanted to do was interrupt him while he was setting up.  I know I hate it when a future neighbor stops by when I am trying to go through my set-up procedure.  But watching someone struggle the way he was I just couldn't help myself.

Mark, the reason I kind of stood there for a couple more minutes is because I was hoping there could be at least a little back and forth conversation, maybe put him at ease, or maybe even his wife/companion would exit the truck and be more receptive to help.  And yes, if we would have gotten into a discussion about RVing I would have certainly mentioned the surge protection.  We have had constant severe storms here for almost 2 weeks now.  Not a good time not to be protected.

 

[Kirk W]

Back when we traveled in a larger popup with our 3 sons, I was known to tell people that we could set up the RV and be inside in 10 minutes with our family but it took 30 minutes or more if someone came over to help!   🤣

Offering help is one of those very sensitive issues. Very often the folks are frustrated and upset by the time that we realize that they need help which requires great care in how one approaches. I have become especially careful about offering to help a woman alone. 

[mptjelgin]

2 hours ago, FL-JOE said:

And yes, if we would have gotten into a discussion about RVing I would have certainly mentioned the surge protection.  We have had constant severe storms here for almost 2 weeks now.  Not a good time not to be protected.

 

FWIW - You would also see us plug into the 50 amp receptacle without "any visible surge protection". Our unit is hard wired and so an observer would never know what we had, or didn't have. Just the way I like it...

[NDBirdman]

While I'm not a newbie, I don't do it full time.  If someone see's me doing something wrong, or the hard way, or look clueless, PLEASE step over and help me.  Not all of us are hard-headed and do appreciate the help.  I might even offer you a beer or glass of wine if I have any.  AND, like it or not, if I see you are frustrated or needing help, I'm there, get grouchy, I walk away but I do try to help.  🙂  As I was once told, the time to fix something is when you see it.

[Sehc]

I would appreciate someone asking "can I give you a hand". If declined, I would appreciate someone not standing around watching me work. I would appreciate someone not saying "You must have these things, and use them the same as I do".  

[Barbaraok]

53 minutes ago, mptjelgin said:

FWIW - You would also see us plug into the 50 amp receptacle without "any visible surge protection". Our unit is hard wired and so an observer would never know what we had, or didn't have. Just the way I like it...

And one would see me go out and unplug (not just shut off the breaker) at night when lightening storms are in the area.   

[Carlos]

We spent about 12 years with a boat in a marina, basically a floating RV in an RV park.  We got to see a lot of stupid.  I was always the first one to volunteer to help, or that the marina would call if needed.  But some people would either mildly or aggressively refuse help.  I can recall a few who said something like "mind your own f-ing business" a few seconds before the sound of crunching fiberglass and breaking dock wood.  Yup, I won't get in your way, but I will take video and put it on Youtube.

Even if I disagree with someone, I'll take their opinion and mesh it with my own.

[Rosita]

6 hours ago, Kirk W said:

I have become especially careful about offering to help a woman alone. 

I understand your reluctance; some women resent offers from men to help with various jobs, often because they feel that their abilities and competence to handle any operation "without a man" are being questioned. I've been traveling solo for many years, and rarely need assistance with anything, but I don't take offense at all when a man offers assistance or a suggestion unless the offer is presented in a presumptive, arrogant, know-it-all manner, and/or the man continues to insist on "helping" after his offer has been politely declined with a "Thanks, but I'm good." 

RVers are generally friendly people, and I believe that most of them genuinely want to be of use when they offer "guidance" to another RVer, male or female. All one can do is to offer, then move along if it's declined.  

 

[Carlos]

I treat women and men equally.  I've NEVER had a woman tell me to f-off when I offered to help, only men.

Just recalled that last night I was talking with a neighbor and great friend about this very topic.  He made a life-long camp friend by offering to help fix his VERY screwed weight distribution setup.  He may have saved a life, and now always has great Mexican camp food when they go to the same campground a couple times a year.

 

[rynosback]

45 minutes ago, Carlos said:

I treat women and men equally.  I've NEVER had a woman tell me to f-off when I offered to help, only men.

Just recalled that last night I was talking with a neighbor and great friend about this very topic.  He made a life-long camp friend by offering to help fix his VERY screwed weight distribution setup.  He may have saved a life, and now always has great Mexican camp food when they go to the same campground a couple times a year.

 

I’m with you.  I treat men and women the same also.

[Matthew]

15 hours ago, Rosita said:

I understand your reluctance; some women resent offers from men to help with various jobs, often because they feel that their abilities and competence to handle any operation "without a man" are being questioned. I've been traveling solo for many years, and rarely need assistance with anything, but I don't take offense at all when a man offers assistance or a suggestion unless the offer is presented in a presumptive, arrogant, know-it-all manner, and/or the man continues to insist on "helping" after his offer has been politely declined with a "Thanks, but I'm good." 

RVers are generally friendly people, and I believe that most of them genuinely want to be of use when they offer "guidance" to another RVer, male or female. All one can do is to offer, then move along if it's declined.  

 

That is not how I read Kirk W's post.  I read it as it isn't a good idea to put yourself (a man) in a situation (no supporting witnesses) with an unknown woman.  In today's climate all it would take would be an accusation (from the woman) and the man's life and reputation would be ruined. 

[Kirk W]

33 minutes ago, Matthew said:

 I read it as it isn't a good idea to put yourself (a man) in a situation (no supporting witnesses) with an unknown woman.  In today's climate all it would take would be an accusation (from the woman) and the man's life and reputation would be ruined. 

 

[Rosita]

"That is not how I read Kirk W's post.  I read it as it isn't a good idea to put yourself (a man) in a situation (no supporting witnesses) with an unknown woman.  In today's climate all it would take would be an accusation (from the woman) and the man's life and reputation would be ruined."

-----

Seriously? If this is indeed what Kirk intended to imply, what a sad commentary that a casual offer of RV chore assistance from a man to a woman might be viewed as "sexual harassment".  I've experienced real sexual discrimination and harassment; a guy's offer of help with an RV task doesn't come anywhere close!  

[dirtyboots]

19 hours ago, Carlos said:

 Yup, I won't get in your way, but I will take video and put it on Youtube.

 

That's just plain mean. 

I've only been RVing for 3 years and luckily (I guess) have never run into those who are mad/angry/kia.  Have I asked for help?  Yes!  Have people offered - a couple times.  The whole process is pretty cut and dried, I feel it's within my ability but sometimes any one of us can have problems.  That doesn't mean it needs to be posted on Youtube. 

Offering a 'you got that?' is kind.  The comments I really like are 'you are pretty good at that'   or,  nice truck -or,  that's a  big trailer, the best ones are 'you do that all by yourself????'   Attacking someone who's having a bad time only makes their day worse.  Thanks to all those I've met who have been kind!

[Carlos]

LOL, you should go re-read what I said and not read so much into it.  Notice the sentence was right after the one about crashing into the docks.  Unlike an RV, you can't put a boat in 'park' and walk around it to assess the situation.  You might only get one chance to park without destroying things.  If you tell me to f-off in a situation that clearly calls for help, yep, going on video.  This is not about a "no thanks" when just asking someone if they want help backing a trailer.

 

 

Edited June 1, 2019 by Carlos

[mptjelgin]

32 minutes ago, Carlos said:

LOL, you should go re-read what I said and not read so much into it.  Notice the sentence was right after the one about crashing into the docks.  Unlike an RV, you can't put a boat in 'park' and walk around it to assess the situation.  You might only get one chance to park without destroying things.  If you tell me to f-off in a situation that clearly calls for help, yep, going on video.  This is not about a "no thanks" when just asking someone if they want help backing a trailer.

 

 

But why the desire to video someone that is having problems and perhaps damaging their equipment? Spite because they didn't accept your offer of assistance?  You can't just let people be?

This tendency of folks to whip out their phone and video unfortunate situations in the hope that their video "goes viral" doesn't say much for those folks. 

[hemsteadc]

38 minutes ago, mptjelgin said:

But why the desire to video someone that is having problems and perhaps damaging their equipment? Spite because they didn't accept your offer of assistance?  You can't just let people be?

Because if it goes  on Youtube under 'How not to...' it may help someone else. 

[mptjelgin]

20 minutes ago, hemsteadc said:

Because if it goes  on Youtube under 'How not to...' it may help someone else. 

For some reason I don't think that is the primary reason in the circumstances described above. But maybe I'm wrong...

[sandsys]

The first time I pulled out tent trailer solo I was looking at the site I'd been assigned in a state park when the guy next to that site walked over to my car. He asked if I'd be willing to trade sites with their friend so they could be together. I said yes if he'd back my trailer into my new site.

I did learn to back the trailer such that I could park it in one side of our garage but it was sure nice to not have to learn with an audience.

Linda

[Carlos]

I have a story of a poop geyser on our boat while trying to pump out in a marina.  Luckily not ours, I don't think they want me back.  I should find it and post it here, good for a laugh.

 

[noteven]

Delete

Edited June 7, 2019 by noteven