HUMOR FOR TODAY

[2gypsies]

Saw this today in our news:

https://www.comicskingdom.com/bizarro

[sandsys]

1 hour ago, 2gypsies said:

Saw this today in our news:

https://www.comicskingdom.com/bizarro

Reminds me of the comic who performed at an Escapade who didn't know how to react when his wife told him she'd booked him to play for a few thousand escapees. 

[Lou Schneider]

1 hour ago, sandsys said:

Reminds me of the comic who performed at an Escapade who didn't know how to react when his wife told him she'd booked him to play for a few thousand escapees. 

Jimmy Travis, if I remember correctly.  At the sound check before the show he confided this was his first time performing to an RV audience and he wasn't sure they'd appreciate his brand of humor.  Boy howdy was he wrong as he brought down the house with his first joke!  Since then he's performed for many more RV groups including FMCA and Good Sam.  

Edited October 5, 2020 by Lou Schneider

[sandsys]

2 hours ago, Lou Schneider said:

Jimmy Travis, if I remember correctly.  At the sound check before the show he confided this was his first time performing to an RV audience and he wasn't sure they'd appreciate his brand of humor.  Boy howdy was he wrong as he brought down the house with his first joke!  Since then he's performed for many more RV groups including FMCA and Good Sam.  

I didn't remember his name but I do remember laughing until my sides hurt.

Linda

[Ray,IN]

By the look of that website, SKP's made the short list.

[bigjim]

any chance anyone can relate that "first joke"  Now would be a great time for some levity.

[Ray,IN]

More Levity,

[bigjim]

An oldie but a goody  Ray.

[bigjim]

2 Tx aggies saw an ad.  MAN WANTED TO MATE WITH APE $10,000.  They argued over how disgusting  that would be for a while but then decided to go and talk to the scientist that where running the experiment.  One of them decided in the interest of science he would do it. He did have 3 requirement first.  One, he didn't have to kiss her as  she was just too ugly.  Two if there were any offspring it would have to be raised as Baptist, Catholic, republicon 🙃(or what ever floats your boat). #3 I can't do it for at least  2 weeks. Since there were no other volunteers the scientist agreed. In 2 weeks he returned and the scientist asked if he would say why he needed the 2 weeks. The aggie replied, It took me that long to raise the $10,000.

 

(am I banned or warned now?)

Edited October 6, 2020 by bigjim

[Ray,IN]

Jim I thought it appropriate for this year.

[bigjim]

What is extra fun is you can make stratigic change to suit the person you are with.  Fortunately most Tx Aggies I have known have a sense of humor except the one that pulled the sword on the cheerleader at the football game many years ago.  I bet he became a really good butter bar.

 

I thought throwing in Republicon would be a fun way to poke the bear.

Edited October 6, 2020 by bigjim

[Second Chance]

On Aggies... my late wife's father graduated from Texas A&M. His brother, my wife's uncle Frank, graduated from UT. In 1970, Uncle Frank bought a brand new Olds Delta 88... white. He drove it straight to a paint shop to have it painted burnt orange below the "belt line." Uncle Frank kept a 6' stuffed Bevo on the bed in his guest room in Dallas (my wife and I had to find someplace to put it when we stayed at his house). In the mid '70s, Cindy (my late wife) thought it would be funny to order an Aggie T-shirt for Uncle Frank for his birthday (out of her dad's A&M alumni magazine, of course). It was maroon with white stripes and had an Aggie logo on it. Uncle Frank did not acknowledge the birthday gift. He was a marathon runner and, some years later, admitted that he got the shirt - but would only use it for running after dark when he couldn't be identified. When he got tired of doing that, he used it to check the oil on his Olds. It took us a while to find out what had transpired, but the wait was worth it.

So - did you year about the Aggie terrorists who were injured attempting to blow up a school bus? They burned their lips on the exhaust pipe. (I graduated from the UT system... twice. I have a few Aggie jokes.)

Rob

 

 

[bigjim]

The summer before Katrina hit I volunteered in TN running the entrance to a park that was more important for it boat ramps.  As you may know UT-university of TN uses a large T in a slightly different color orange.  I liked to chat cheerily thanking them for being so hospitable to Txn. by showing up with the big UT-Texas T on display.  They take their football pretty serious too so it started some pretty interesting  conversations.

Shortend version of an old one.  Two SKP's driving down the highway and saw a sign for an town they did not know how to pronounce.  After arguing about it they decided to pull off at the first exit and ask someone how to pronounce it. The first place they stopped they asked the lady,  real slow, how do you pronounce the name of this place.  She said,   Daaa reee Queen.

On the other hand since I was born in Tuscaloosa it might not have been SKP's, it could have been some Auburn professors. Or a couple of submariners.

Edited October 7, 2020 by bigjim

[ARGO]

Being a submariner, I relate more to the guy & the ape. Matter of fact, I think I dated her.....

[bigjim]

Think nothing of it, I believe I may have dated her homely sister. 

[Ray,IN]

I suspect most of us are old enough to remember Red Skelton::

RED SKELTON'S RECIPE FOR THE PERFECT MARRIAGE
1. Two times a week we go to a nice restaurant, have a little beverage, good food and companionship. She goes on Tuesdays, I go on Fridays.
2. We also sleep in separate beds. Hers is in California and mine is in Texas.
3. I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back.
4. I asked my wife where she wanted to go for our anniversary. "Somewhere I haven't been in a long time!" she said. So I suggested the kitchen.
5. We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.
6. She has an electric blender, electric toaster and electric bread maker. She said "There are too many gadgets, and no place to sit down!" So I bought her an electric chair.
7. My wife told me the car wasn't running well because there was water in the carburetor. I asked where the car was. She told me, "In the lake."
8. She got a mud pack and looked great for two days. Then the mud fell off.
9. She ran after the garbage truck, yelling, "Am I too late for the garbage?" The driver said, "No, jump in!".
10. Remember: Marriage is the number one cause of divorce.
11. I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her first name was 'Always'.
12. I haven't spoken to my wife in 18 months. I don't like to interrupt her.
13. The last fight was my fault though. My wife asked, "What's on the TV?"
I said, "Dust!".

[Friz]

On 10/7/2020 at 11:37 PM, Ray,IN said:

I suspect most of us are old enough to remember Red Skelton::

RED SKELTON'S RECIPE FOR THE PERFECT MARRIAGE
1. Two times a week we go to a nice restaurant, have a little beverage, good food and companionship. She goes on Tuesdays, I go on Fridays.
2. We also sleep in separate beds. Hers is in California and mine is in Texas.
3. I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back.
4. I asked my wife where she wanted to go for our anniversary. "Somewhere I haven't been in a long time!" she said. So I suggested the kitchen.
5. We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.
6. She has an electric blender, electric toaster and electric bread maker. She said "There are too many gadgets, and no place to sit down!" So I bought her an electric chair.
7. My wife told me the car wasn't running well because there was water in the carburetor. I asked where the car was. She told me, "In the lake."
8. She got a mud pack and looked great for two days. Then the mud fell off.
9. She ran after the garbage truck, yelling, "Am I too late for the garbage?" The driver said, "No, jump in!".
10. Remember: Marriage is the number one cause of divorce.
11. I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her first name was 'Always'.
12. I haven't spoken to my wife in 18 months. I don't like to interrupt her.
13. The last fight was my fault though. My wife asked, "What's on the TV?"
I said, "Dust!".

Yes he is missed. One decent human being.