just to update this thread, I got the switch wired correctly, and also found that the plug to the back of the exhaust brake switch wasn't making good contact.
I was delighted to hear the 1st stage of engine brake come on. The 2nd stage wasn't working so I was thinking it might be a switch issue. I was happy to have the 1st stage working to be honest.
About 120 miles into my next trip I had the switch set for both stages to work an while going down a 6% grade I heard a "pop" and the 2nd stage started working.
What a difference it is to drive now with both stages working. At 49k total weight the truck is a lot happier now!