Losing faith that we can do this

[ms60ocb]

13 hours ago, JimK said:

First I see nothing wrong with the wife taking a lead on RV issues.

 

I have a daughter that has a book smart husband. She realized she had to step up to the plate when her husband decided to repair a leaky faucet. Luckily she answered her cell phone went he called her from the upstairs bathroom wondering where to turn-off the water to the house. He had taken the bathtub faucet apart and was then deflecting the 80-90# water pressure down into the tub. Now she does the work or finds the person to do what ever.

Clay

[Dutch_12078]

I'm sure in most situations, whether it's a sticks and bricks home or an RV, the husband is the primary "handyman" doing the common general repairs, but I've also seen many instances in my 78 years where the wife is the primary handyman and does it quite well. Off hand I can't think of any job around the home, or anywhere else for that matter, that women are not capable of doing and somewhere probably are doing.

Awhile back I stopped at a construction site to see a friend, and watched a fellow mixing mortar and passing it along to the woman laying bricks for a new wall. I asked him if there were many female bricklayers, and he said, "Not enough. She's faster and more accurate than I am, and complains a lot less then the men I hire." In your situation, do what you can and try to learn to do more, but be prepared to hire out the things you know are beyond you. Each time you pay for a repair that you felt you should have been able to do, pay attention and ask questions. Think of the cost as a learning event. 

As I grow older, I'm learning that I need to hire out more repairs that I'm just not physically able to do anymore. It's a painful and sometimes expensive lesson learning my changing limits, but in your case, you have every opportunity to go the other direction by learning new things. YouTube is full of DIY videos that cover most situations that RV'ers are apt to encounter, and none of those situations need a gender check before tackling them. If you need help holding something in place while driving screws to anchor it though, your husband certainly is capable of it, just as my wife has helped me do many things that are within her health limitations for years. It works both ways regardless of gender. Do what you can and learn to do more. As he sees what you're doing, it may prompt him to do more as well. And best wishes on your RV'ing adventures!

[Barbaraok]

1 hour ago, Bigthinkers said:

Wow. This is one small thing in an otherwise beautiful life, and if you knew me you'd know how wrong you are.  .....

No Kirk is not wrong.  You might not understand how you appear to others, but after more than 16 years on this forum (and others) you sound very similar to hundreds (if not thousands) of other people who have come on, nit-picking about things when in truth it was that they didn't really want to be in an RV for any length of time.    I don't know whether it is financial or something else, but complaining about small items your husband doesn't do be it in a house or projecting onto an RV just doesn't seem appropriate.  

BTW - JimK's 10 min replacement of CO detector took 30 minutes because of where it is located in our rig.  If anything needs to be done in connection with the water heater, we are hiring someone to do it as the space is incredibly tight and we both have arthritis, etc. as we age.  We can't get into tight spots anymore.   A 20-30 minute job to replace leaking sealing on black water dump value ended up taking 6 hours - you don't want to know.   And believe me, while any other repair will have everyone in the park walking over to see what you are doing, etc., when it involves the waste system they all walk on the other side of the street.😉

As an aside the CO and propane detector shouldn't be together, but CO detector located at shoulder height, Propane near the floor (20 years as Env Health & Safety director and campus Fire Marshall.)  

Edited August 9, 2021 by Barbaraok

[TherapyBound]

Thank you all for your helpful replies. I'll begin therapy immediately.

[Kirk W]

3 hours ago, Bigthinkers said:

Sorry, but this is just mean-spirited answer to a question that got blown up into something it's not.

It was not intended to be, only to get you to stop and think. You keep telling us about your husband's problems, so my point is that you need to be sure that it is him that is the problem. I suspect that you worry too much. Are you sure that your worry is more valid than his positive thinking? Reality is likely somewhere in between. 

[2gypsies]

... just some things I picked up on from your opening post that you may want to think about:

 

"I've noticed a...shall we say, reluctance...on the part of my husband to find a way to fix things we've never had to fix before. And now I'm worried.

I have deep concerns that this is going to be a major issue if we do the RV trip. I'm worried that I'm going to end up tackling things alone instead of working toward solution together when it's something neither of us knows how to do, and I fear I'll end up angry and resentful. For the past 3 years I've been the one doing all the research on how to handle RV issues, so I think I'll be assumed to be the one to get things done on my own. He's very enthusiastic about the trip, but perhaps not thinking so much about the realities of maintenance. 

Has anyone else gone through this? How have your handled it? Is it a dream-killer? I'm honestly not sure we should go through with the plan now."

 

Since no one replied to your last paragraph perhaps it's not a common thing.  However, your comment of "not sure we should go through with the plan now" sounds like a lot of hesitation on your part.  If you're going to pre-worry then you may be right.  Have you two really sat down and talked about your concerns?  He doesn't sound worried at all and I'm sure he's intelligent enough to be thinking of what's in store.

Perhaps what you now need to do is to get the RV and take off.  Do some traveling and hook up with the Xcapers group since you mentioned you have joined.  Get some group therapy from them.  Groups like that are always willing to hash out problems and 'how to's'.  They'll laugh along with everyone's mistakes. Your hubby will be able to see how everyone else tackles various issues..... and you, also.  I think you'll find out that everyone has problems at times and they're all solvable.  I think you need to take that 1 year vacation you've been planning.  Good luck!

We had so many comical and some serious issues as we traveled starting with Day 2.  Honestly, even the serious ones were solvable by either us or with outside help.  We made our full-time decision in May and sold the house & everything in it and took off for good in August.  Not much time but we were so very anxious to go.  We had never heard of full-timing and had no idea what laid ahead.  We learned as we went and have absolutely no regrets.

Edited August 9, 2021 by 2gypsies

[bruce t]

3 years ago I found myself in ER. (Long story). They gave me a 40% chance of not coming out. Obviously I did make it. But I discovered that worrying about small day to day things is not the way to enjoy our very short time on earth. I'm on the danger list now. But instead of hiding in bed we purchased a new RV and hit the road. Mobile phones will connect you to the world. The internet even better. They will always connect you to someone who has an answer.

Remember the cemeteries are full of folks who were 'going to one day'.

[Ray,IN]

The only thing I have to add is, traveling in a MH is the most expensive method of all other land travel. One must have either enough money to hire everything repaired, replaced or renewed, OR learn how to accomplish those things themselves.

Anyone can learn how if they are motivated in that direction, however some people are simply not mechanically-minded.  Reality can be harsh.

[Barbaraok]

Also, as one ages, the ability to easily get into the nook or cranny where the fix is needed.  

[Dutch_12078]

9 hours ago, Barbaraok said:

Also, as one ages, the ability to easily get into the nook or cranny where the fix is needed.  

Tell me about it! I just finished replacing the starter on our V-10 and one of my arms looks like road rash from crawling in and out from underneath. If it happens again, it'll go to a shop for sure...

[Pat & Pete]

5 minutes ago, Dutch_12078 said:

Tell me about it! I just finished replacing the starter on our V-10 and one of my arms looks like road rash from crawling in and out from underneath. If it happens again, it'll go to a shop for sure...

You must have missed the part of the instructions that advises the use of a tarp or cardboard when crawling under vehicles . LOL 

I did that same job a couple years ago , but , I used a tarp and never got even the hint of a scratch .

[Dutch_12078]

19 minutes ago, Pat & Pete said:

You must have missed the part of the instructions that advises the use of a tarp or cardboard when crawling under vehicles . LOL 

I did that same job a couple years ago , but , I used a tarp and never got even the hint of a scratch .

Actually, I used on old foam pad that I've found more comfortable than a tarp as I grow older. I think most of the scrapes probably came from reaching around the frame and everything else in the way. The actual crawls in and out may not have been the worst of it, but I usually don't notice right away unless something starts dripping blood. Drilling out broken steel bolts that have been in an aluminum bellhousing for 20 years was a little challenging for my old bones and thin skin.

Edited August 10, 2021 by Dutch_12078

[sandsys]

2 hours ago, Dutch_12078 said:

a little challenging for my old bones and thin skin.

A nurse recently told me I have "old lady thin skin". Apparently our skin does actually get thinner as we age.

Linda

[Barbaraok]

Thin skin with capillaries near the surface, bump into something, that night as getting undressed for bed one hears "did you fall, look at that bruise!"  Joys of growing old, but it beats the alternative. 😉

[Pat & Pete]

25 minutes ago, Barbaraok said:

Thin skin with capillaries near the surface, bump into something, that night as getting undressed for bed one hears "did you fall, look at that bruise!"  Joys of growing old, but it beats the alternative. 😉

Agreed . It's always nice to wake up on the green side of the grass .

[Dutch_12078]

8 hours ago, sandsys said:

A nurse recently told me I have "old lady thin skin". Apparently our skin does actually get thinner as we age.

Linda

My dermatologist tells me the same thing. At my last skin cancer screening, she found bruises on the backs of my knees that she thought were likely just from sitting on hard wooden chairs or benches like those on wooden picnic tables.

[bruce t]

Gee reading all the responses anyone would think we are all old farts with multiple health issue. Me included. This is no way to encourage a new RVer.

Sure we as we get older it's all down hill. But almost nothing should stop you expect for attitude.

 

[sandsys]

1 hour ago, bruce t said:

Sure we as we get older it's all down hill. But almost nothing should stop you expect for attitude.

If your attitude is good nothing will stop you. I don't know how many of you remember IYQ but he was in his 70s when he started fulltime RVing the second time around. And i still tell some of his funny stories when I get a chance to do so. Man, I miss him.

Also, two of my favorite bloggers are both in their 70s and still RVing fulltime. As are many of us here. As I would be if Dave didn't stop going with me. I miss RV living. This one bedroom apartment is too big.

Linda

[RV_]

RVing full time is the easy part. As long as you can kneel down to do hookups, climb the RV stairs, drive normally or with assistance for paralyzed equipped vehicles, you can RV full or part time.

The hard part of RVing full time is selling all the old stuff and selling the house, extra vehicles etc.

It helps some if prospective RVrs have an exit plan or money set aside to return to stationary living like we did to care for aging parents.

Sure I'm less able to jump of mountain cliffs with planks strapped to my feet but I can take the lifts in summer and do some hiking. I've lumbar and cervical issues from the military but I can't sit around in a nursing home feeling sorry for myself. (I see no one doing that here in this thread BTW) I doubt I can lift my scuba tanks up the ladder easily but I can hand them up, or even better don a lightweight sun protective body suit and snorkel the remaining parts of the reefs and kelp beds. Or just sit under my awning and share coffee with whoever walks by and wants to meet others and chat in the mornings.

We are pretty healthy as far as the usual stuff. No blood pressure, diabetes, heart or kidney or other issues. 

That may not be true in ten or twenty years. The last ten years went by in in what seems like a month, and being COVID grounded Has been worse than being grounded as a 13 y/o!

At "normal" retirement age time may be limited. So my mantra is "it is time to stop getting ready and start getting to it."

Whatever "IT" is for each.

 

 

[Barbaraok]

RV, kneeling. down isn't the problem now, it is getting back up.  😎

[podwerkz]

Full time RVing is a full time job.

🛠️

 

 

Edited August 13, 2021 by podwerkz

[cowolter]

 think you have gotten a lot of accurate, honest, practical answers. I'd add always have a couple of grand for an emergency, Whether it be a hotel, breakdown, or just needing something simple. Also, get extra cables, hoses, and chocks.

RV’s aren’t as durable as houses. Stuff rattles loose, condensation gets into spaces you don’t open up often, and it’s much cheaper to go buy a tool or two and watch a few YouTube vids to learn how to troubleshoot than to spend $160 for a tech to spend an hour replacing a fitting you could have done yourself. A decent tool kit is a must have, but you shouldn’t need anything beyond the basics.

budget planners

Edited September 2, 2021 by cowolter

[ms60ocb]

With all the in & outs I still support traveling with RV is the best way to attack the Bucket List.. And safest with the pandemic.

Clay.

[BobDees]

You and your husband are facing all kinds of changes and that always creates stress.  The effect is cumulative.  We spent two years going through all of this and it was still loaded with more than a few moments when one or both of us were overwhelmed.  Ass all you friends on this thread have said.  Keep talking.  Give each other room.  Take a break.  (We took a trip to Hawaii.)  Enjoy each day just for what it is, your lives together.  My best suggestion?  Just keep breathing!

 

[Ray,IN]

On 8/10/2021 at 10:17 AM, Dutch_12078 said:

Tell me about it! I just finished replacing the starter on our V-10 and one of my arms looks like road rash from crawling in and out from underneath. If it happens again, it'll go to a shop for sure...

Dutch, I'm in the same club, so I purchased a set of these to protect my arms: https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B08NSNLXYQ/ref=ppx_yo_dt_b_asin_title_o01_s01?ie=UTF8&psc=1