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Dogs letters to God.

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Dogs letters to God.
 
Dear God: Why do humans smell the flowers, but seldom, if ever, smell one 
another? 
 
Dear God: When we get to heaven, can we sit on your couch? Or is it going 
to be the same old story? 
 
Dear God: Why are there cars named after the jaguar, the cougar, the 
mustang, the colt, the stingray, and the rabbit, but not ONE named for a 
dog? How often do you see a cougar riding around? We dogs love a nice 
ride! Would it be so hard to rename the 'Chrysler Eagle' the 'Chrysler 
Beagle'? 
 
Dear God: If a dog barks his head off in the forest and no human hears 
him, is he still a bad dog? 
 
Dear God: We dogs can understand human verbal instructions, hand signals, 
whistles, horns, clickers, beepers, scent ID's, electromagnetic energy 
fields, and Frisbee flight paths. What do humans understand? 
 
Dear God: More meatballs, less spaghetti, please. 
 
Dear God: When we get to the Pearly Gates, do we have to shake hands to 
get in? 
 
Dear God: Are there mailmen in Heaven? If there are, will I have to 
apologize? 
 
Dear God: Let me give you a list of just some of the things I must 
remember to be a good dog: 
 
1. I will not eat the cats' food before they eat it or after they throw it 
up. 
 
2. I will not roll on dead seagulls, fish, crabs, etc., just because I 
like the way they smell! 
 
3. I will not munch on "leftovers" in the kitty litter box; although they 
are tasty, they are not food. 
 
4. The diaper pail is not a cookie jar. 
 
5. The sofa is not a face towel; neither are Mom and Dad's laps, or the 
oriental rugs. 
 
6. The garbage collector is not stealing our stuff. 
 
7. My head does not belong in the refrigerator. 
 
8. I will not bite the officer's hand when he reaches in for Mom's 
driver's license and registration. 
 
9. I will not play tug-of-war with Dad's underwear when he's on the 
toilet. 
 
10. Sticking my nose into someone's crotch is not an acceptable way of 
saying 'hello.' 
 
11. I do not need to suddenly stand straight up when I'm lying under the 
coffee table. 
 
12. I must shake the rainwater out of my fur before entering the house. 
 
13. I will not throw up in the car. 
 
14. I will not come in from outside and immediately drag my butt across 
the carpet. 
 
15. I will not sit in the middle of the living room and lick my crotch 
when 
company is over. 
 
16. The cat is not a squeaky toy; so when I play with him and he makes 
that noise, it's usually not a good thing. 
 
And, finally my last question; 
 
Dear God: When I get to Heaven, may I have my testicles back?

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