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Discussion Among Surgeons

 

Five surgeons from big cities are discussing who makes the best

patients to operate on.

 

The first surgeon, from New York, says, 'I like to see accountants on

my operating table because when you open them up, everything inside is numbered.'

 

The second, from Chicago, responds, 'Yeah, but you should try

electricians! Everything inside them is color coded.'

 

The third surgeon, from Dallas, says, 'No, I really think librarians

are the best, everything inside them is in alphabetical order.'

 

The fourth surgeon, from Los Angeles chimes in: 'You know, I like

construction workers. Those guys always understand when you have a few parts left over.'

 

But the fifth surgeon, from Washington, DC shut them all up when he observed: 'You're all wrong. Politicians are the easiest to operate on There's no guts, no heart, no balls, no brains and no spine, and the head and the ass are interchangeable.

38' 1996 Alfa Gold

FREE MASON Home Blue Lodge #64/Lake Havasu, AZ.

who said? "No free man shall ever be debarred the use of arms. The strongest reason for the people to retain the right to keep and bear arms is, as a last resort, to protect themselves against tyranny in government."

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Discussion Among Surgeons

 

Looking for spoilers and reviews on the new TV season? Get AOL's ultimate guide to fall TV. NOTICE: This communication and any attachments may contain privileged or otherwise confidential information. If you are not the intended recipient or believe that you may have received this communication in error, please reply to the sender indicating that fact and delete the copy you received without printing, copying, retransmitting, disseminating, or otherwise using the information. Thank you.

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Where did that come from?

First rule of computer consulting:

Sell a customer a Linux computer and you'll eat for a day.

Sell a customer a Windows computer and you'll eat for a lifetime.

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THE TEXAS CHILI COOK OFF !!!

If you can read this whole story without laughing, then there's no hope for you. This is an actual account as relayed to paramedics at a chili cook-off in Texas !!!

 

Note: Please take time to read this slowly. If you pay attention to the first two judges, the reaction of the third judge is even better. For those of you who have lived in Texas , you know how true this is. They actually have a Chili Cook-off about the time Halloween comes

around. It takes up a major portion of a parking lot at the San Antonio City Park ...

 

Judge #3 was an inexperienced Chili taster named Frank, who was visiting from Springfield , IL .

 

Frank: 'Recently, I was honored to be selected as a judge at a chili cook-off. The original person called in sick at the last moment and I happened to be standing there at the judge's table, asking for directions to the Coors Light truck, when the call came in. I was assured by the other two judges (Native Texans) that the chili wouldn't be all that spicy; and,besides, they told me I could have free beer during the tasting, so I accepted and became Judge 3.'

 

Here are the scorecard notes from the event:

 

CHILI # 1 - MIKE'S MANIAC MONSTER CHILI

 

Judge # 1 -- A little too heavy on the tomato. Amusing kick.

Judge # 2 -- Nice, smooth tomato flavor. Very mild.

Judge # 3 (Frank) -- Holy crap, what the hell is this stuff? You could remove dried paint from your driveway. Took me two beers to put the flames out. I hope that's the worst one. These Texans are crazy.

 

CHILI # 2 - AUSTIN 'S AFTERBURNER CHILI

 

Judge # 1 -- Smoky, with a hint of pork. Slight jalapeño tang. Judge # 2 -- Exciting BBQ flavor, needs more peppers to be taken seriously.

Judge # 3 -- Keep this out of the reach of children. I'm not sure what I'm supposed to taste besides pain. I had to wave off two people who wanted to give me the Heimlich maneuver. They had to rush in more beer when they saw the look on my face.

 

CHILI # 3 - FRED'S FAMOUS BURN DOWN THE BARN CHILI

 

Judge # 1 -- Excellent firehouse chili. Great kick.

Judge # 2 -- A bit salty, good use of peppers.

Judge # 3 -- Call the EPA. I've located a uranium spill. My nose feels like I have been snorting Drano. Everyone knows the routine by now. Get me more beer before I ignite. Barmaid pounded me on the back, now my backbone is in the front part of my chest. I'M GETTING S__T-FACED from all of the beer.

 

CHILI # 4 - BUBBA'S BLACK MAGIC

 

Judge # 1 -- Black bean chili with almost no spice. Disappointing.

Judge # 2 -- Hint of lime in the black beans. Good side dish for fish or other mild foods, not much of a chili.

Judge # 3 -- I felt something scraping across my tongue, but was unable to taste it. Is it possible to burn out taste buds? Sally, the beer maid, was standing behind me with fresh refills. This 300 lb. woman is starting to look HOT . just like this nuclear waste I'm eating! Is chili an aphrodisiac?

 

CHILI # 5 - LISA'S LEGAL LIP REMOVER

 

Judge # 1 -- Meaty, strong chili. Cayenne peppers freshly ground, adding considerable kick. Very impressive.

Judge # 2 -- Chili using shredded beef, could use more tomato. Must admit the cayenne peppers make a strong statement.

Judge # 3 -- My ears are ringing, sweat is pouring off my forehead and I can no longer focus my eyes. I farted, and four people behind me needed paramedics. The contestant seemed offended when I told her that her chili had given me brain damage. Sally saved my tongue from bleeding by pouring beer directly on it from the pitcher. I wonder if

I'm burning my lips off. It really ticks me off that the other judges asked me to stop screaming. Screw them.

 

CHILI # 6 - VERA' S VERY VEGETARIAN VARIETY

 

Judge # 1 -- Thin yet bold vegetarian variety chili. Good balance of spices and peppers.

Judge # 2 -- The best yet. Aggressive use of peppers, onions, garlic. Superb.

Judge # 3 -- My intestines are now a straight pipe filled with

gaseous, sulfuric flames. I crapped on myself when I farted, and I'm worried it will eat through the chair. No one seems inclined to stand behind me except that Sally. Can't feel my lips anymore. I need to wipe my butt with a snow cone.

 

CHILI # 7 - SUSAN'S SCREAMING SENSATION CHILI

 

Judge # 1 -- A mediocre chili with too much reliance on canned peppers.

Judge # 2 -- Ho hum, tastes as if the chef literally threw in a can of chili peppers at the last moment. **I should take note that I am worried about Judge # 3. He appears to be a bit of distress as he is cursing uncontrollably.

Judge # 3 -- You could put a grenade in my mouth, pull the pin, and I wouldn't feel a thing. I've lost sight in one eye, and the world sounds like it is made of rushing water. My shirt is covered with chili, which slid unnoticed out of my mouth. My pants are full of lava to match my shirt. At least during the autopsy, they'll know what killed me. I've decided to stop breathing, it's too painful. Screw it; I'm not getting any oxygen anyway. If I need air, I'll just suck it in through the 4-inch hole in my stomach.

 

CHILI # 8 - BIG TOM'S TOENAIL CURLING CHILI

 

Judge # 1 -- The perfect ending, this is a nice blend chili. Not too bold but spicy enough to declare its existence.

Judge # 2 -- This final entry is a good, balanced chili. Neither mild nor hot. Sorry to see that most of it was lost when Judge #3 farted, passed out, fell over and pulled the chili pot down on top of himself. Not sure if he's going to make it. Poor feller, wonder how he'd have reacted to really hot chili?

Judge # 3 - No Report

YOU NEVER KNOW UNTIL YOU KNOW, AND THEN YOU KNOW YOU KNOW !!! YOU KNOW ???

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Wife from Hell...

 

A police officer pulls over a speeding car. The officer says, ' I clocked you at 80 miles per hour, sir.'The driver says, 'Gee, officer I had it on cruise control at 60, perhaps your radar gun needs calibrating.'

 

Not looking up from her knitting the wife says: 'Now don't be silly dear, you know that this car doesn't have cruise control.'

 

As the officer writes out the ticket, the driver looks over at his wife and growls, 'Can't you please keep your mouth shut for once?'

 

The wife smiles demurely and says, 'You should be thankful your radar detector went off when it did.'

 

As the officer makes out the second ticket for the illegal radar detector unit,

the man glowers at his wife and says through clenched teeth, ' woman, can't you keep your mouth shut?'

 

The officer frowns and says,

'And I notice that you're not wearing your seat belt, sir. That's an automatic $75 fine.'

 

The driver says, 'Yeah, well, you see officer, I had it on, but took it off when you pulled me over so that I could get my license out of my back pocket.'

 

The wife says, 'Now, dear, you know very well that you didn't have your seat belt on. You never wear your seat belt when you're driving.'

 

And as the police officer is writing out the third ticket the driver turns to his wife and barks, 'WHY DON'T YOU PLEASE SHUT UP??'

 

The officer looks over at the woman and asks,

'Does your husband always talk to you this way, Ma'am?'

 

(I LOVE THIS PART...)

 

 

 

 

'Only when he's been drinking.'

YOU NEVER KNOW UNTIL YOU KNOW, AND THEN YOU KNOW YOU KNOW !!! YOU KNOW ???

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Someone gave me a copy of this years ago. I have no idea who the original author was.

 

IRS Letter

Note: Sometimes a story comes along that needs no polishing or enhancement to make it better. This is one of those. It is a real letter submitted to the IRS the midst of 1995s weird and bizarre denial of dependents, exemptions and credits. The letter speaks for itself.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Dear Sirs:

I am responding to your letter denying the deduction for two of the three dependents I claimed on my 1994 Federal Tax return. Thank you!

I have questioned whether or not these are my children for years. They are evil and expensive. It's only fair that, since they are minors and no longer my responsibility, the government should know something about them and what to expect over the next year. Please do not try to reassign them to me next year and reinstate the deduction. They are yours!

The oldest, Kristen, is now 17. She is brilliant. Ask her! I suggest you put her to work in your office where she can answer people's questions about their returns. While she has no formal training, it has not seemed to hamper her mastery of any subject you can name. Taxes should be a breeze. Next year she is going to college. I think it's wonderful that you will now be responsible for that little expense. While you mull that over, keep in mind that she has a truck. It doesn't run at the moment, so you have the choice of appropriating some Department of Defense funds to fix the vehicle, or getting up early to drive her to school. Kristen also has a boyfriend. Oh joy! While she possesses all of the wisdom of the universe, her alleged mother and I have felt it best to occasionally remind her of the virtues of abstinence, or in the face of overwhelming passion, safe sex. This is always uncomfortable, and I am quite relieved you will be handling this in the future. May I suggest that you reinstate Dr. Jocelyn Elders who had a rather good handle on the problem.

Patrick is 14. I've had my suspicions about this one. His eyes are a little closer together than those of normal people. He may be a tax examiner himself

one day, if he is not incarcerated first. In February, I was awakened at three in the morning by a police officer who was bringing Pat home. He and his

friends were T-P'ing houses. In the future, would you like him delivered to the local IRS office, or to Ogden, UT? Kids at 14 will do almost anything on a

dare. His hair is purple. Permanent dye, temporary dye, what's the big deal? Learn to deal with it. You'll have plenty of time, as he is sitting out a few

days of school after instigating a food fight in the cafeteria. I'll take care of filing your phone number with the vice-principal. Oh yes, he and all of his friends have raging hormones. This is the house of testosterone and it will be much more peaceful when he lives in your home. DO NOT leave him or his friends unsupervised with girls, explosives, inflammables, inflatables, vehicles, or telephones. (They find telephones a source of unimaginable amusement. Be sure to lock out the 900 and 976 numbers!)

Heather is an alien. She slid through a time warp and appeared as if by magic one year. I'm sure this one is yours. She is 10 going on 21. She came from a bad trip in the sixties. She wears tie-dyed clothes, beads, sandals, and hair that looks like Tiny Tim's. Fortunately you will be raising my taxes to help offset the pinch of her remedial reading courses. "Hooked On Phonics" is expensive, so the schools dropped it. But here's the good news! You can buy it yourself for half the amount of the deduction that you are denying me! It's quite obvious that we were terrible parents (ask the other two). She cannot speak English. Most people under twenty understand the curious patois she fashioned out of valley girls/boys in the hood/reggae/yuppie/political double speak. The school sends her to a speech pathologist who has her roll her "r's". It added a refreshing Mexican/Irish touch to her voice. She wears hats backwards, baggy pants, and wants one of her ears pierced four more times. There is a fascination with tattoos that worries me, but I am sure that you can handle it. Bring a truck when you come to get her, she sort of "nests" in her room and I think that it would be easier to move the entire thing than find out what it is really made of.

You denied two of the three exemptions, so it is only fair that you get to pick which two you will take. I prefer that you take the youngest two, I will still

go bankrupt with Kristen's college, but then I am free! If you take the two oldest, then I still have time for counseling before Heather becomes a teenager. If you take the two girls, then I won't feel so bad about putting Patrick in a military academy. Please let me know of your decision as soon as possible, as I have already increased the withholding on my W-4 to cover the $395 in additional tax and made a down payment on an airplane.

Yours truly,

Bob

(Note: The IRS allowed the deductions and reinstated his refund.)

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Kids had better behave these days, with the no-penalty drop off law in effect folks are driving long distances to turn their troublesome teens over to the state!

First rule of computer consulting:

Sell a customer a Linux computer and you'll eat for a day.

Sell a customer a Windows computer and you'll eat for a lifetime.

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  • 4 weeks later...

I got this emailed today from a SKP Boomer.

Those who do not have a sense of humor need to delete now. :rolleyes:

 

 

GYNECOLGIST

 

A middle-aged woman seemed sheepish as she visited her gynecologist.

 

“Come now,” coaxed the doctor, “you've been seeing me for years! There's nothing you can't tell me.”

 

“This one's kind of strange...”

 

“Let me be the judge of that,” the doctor replied.

 

“Well,” she said, “yesterday I went to the bathroom in the morning and heard a plink-plink-plink in the toilet and when I looked down, the water was full of pennies.”

 

“I see.”

 

“That afternoon I went to the bathroom again and, plink-plink-plink, there were nickels in the bowl.”

 

“That night,” she went on, “I went again, plink-plink-plink, and there were dimes and this morning there were quarters ! You've got to tell me what's wrong with me!,” she implored, “I'm scared out of my wits!”

 

The gynecologist put a comforting hand on her shoulder. “There, there, it's nothing to be scared about.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

(Ready for this?)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

(I'm warning you.....)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

(Still not too late....delete now!)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

"You're simply going through the change!"

= = = = = = = = = = = = = = =

Yes, there really is a COOL, California.

Judy, Luke, and GSD Miss Shade

SKP# 89390 - Boomers, SKP Elks, SKP Geocachers, Chapt. 8

CoolRVers on the Road Blog

Selling 2007 Itasca Horizon 40TD and 06 Honda CR-V

2019 Dynamax Isata 3 Series 24FW

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:rolleyes: A real groaner but funny! Hugs, Diana

SKP #48048
2015 single Cab Ram 3500 Dually. Aisan Transmission, 410 gear. Pace Edwards automatic roll top cover. AMP running boards & tailgate step.
1996/2010 Triple Slide Carriage, Mor/Ryde Suspension, Kodiak Disc Brakes, Big Foot Leveling System & Plug It Right Stabilizers.
www.plugitright.com Plug It Right Stabilizer, TST, Quadra Big Foot Lever Tailgate Easy Lift Distrubitors
http://www.plugitright.com/5thwheelREDO.html e-mail: plugitright@gmail.com

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A blonde is watching the news with her husband when the newscaster says

 

"Two Brazilian men die in a skydiving accident."

 

The blonde starts crying to her husband, sobbing

 

"That's horrible!!! So many men dying that way!"

 

Confused, he says, "Yes dear, it is sad, but they were skydiving, and there is always that risk involved."

 

After a few minutes, the blonde, still sobbing, says, "How many is a Brazilian?"

38' 1996 Alfa Gold

FREE MASON Home Blue Lodge #64/Lake Havasu, AZ.

who said? "No free man shall ever be debarred the use of arms. The strongest reason for the people to retain the right to keep and bear arms is, as a last resort, to protect themselves against tyranny in government."

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  • 2 weeks later...

HOLIDAY HUMOR: Staying out of the Dog House.

 

What was the "worst" gift you ever gave or received??? :blink:

= = = = = = = = = = = = = = =

Yes, there really is a COOL, California.

Judy, Luke, and GSD Miss Shade

SKP# 89390 - Boomers, SKP Elks, SKP Geocachers, Chapt. 8

CoolRVers on the Road Blog

Selling 2007 Itasca Horizon 40TD and 06 Honda CR-V

2019 Dynamax Isata 3 Series 24FW

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  • 3 weeks later...

It's a romantic full moon, when Pedro said, "Hey, mamacita, let's do Weeweechu."

 

Oh no, not now, let's look at the moon!" said Rosita.

 

Oh, c'mon baby, let's you and I do Weeweechu. I love you and it's the perfect time," Pedro begged.

 

"But I wanna just hold your hand and watch the moon." replied Rosita.

 

Please, corazoncito, just once, do Weeweechu with me."

 

Rosita looked at Pedro and said, "OK, one time, we'll do Weeweechu."

 

Pedro grabbed his guitar and they both sang.....

 

"Weeweechu a Merry Christmas, Weeweechu a Merry Christmas, Weeweechu a Merry Christmas, and a Happy New Year."

 

MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!!!

Blog: http://sandcastle.sandsys.org/

Former Rigs: Liesure Travel van, Winnebago View 24H, Winnebago Journey 34Y, Sportsmobile Sprinter conversion van

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December 8:

6:00 PM. It started to snow. The first snow of the season

and the wife and I took our cocktails and sat for hours by the window watching the huge soft flakes drift down from heaven. It looked like Grandma Moses Print. So romantic we felt like newlyweds again. I love snow!

 

 

December 9:

 

We woke to a beautiful blanket of crystal white snow covering every inch of the landscape. What a fantastic sight! Can there be a more lovely place in the Whole World? Moving here was the best idea I've ever had. Shoveled for the first time in years, felt like a boy again. I did both our driveway and the sidewalks. This afternoon the snowplow came along and covered up the sidewalks and closed in the driveway, so I got to shovel again. What a perfect life.

 

 

 

December 12:

The sun has melted all our lovely snow. Such a disappointment. My neighbor tells me not to worry,we'll definitely have a white Christmas. No snow on Christmas would be awful! Bob says we'll have so much snow by the end of winter, that I'll never want to see snow again. I don't think that's possible. Bob is such a nice man, I'm glad he's our neighbor.

 

 

December 14:

Snow, lovely snow! 8" last night. The temperature dropped to -20. The cold makes everything sparkle so. The wind took my breath away, but I warmed up by shoveling the driveway and sidewalks. This is the life! The snowplow came back this afternoon and buried everything again. I didn't realize I would have to do quite this much shoveling, but I'll certainly get back in shape this way. I wish I wouldn't huff and puff so.

 

 

December 15:

20 inches forecast. Sold my van and bought a 4x4 Blazer. Bought snow tires for the wife's car and two extra shovels. Stocked the freezer. The wife wants a wood stove in case the electricity goes out. I think that's silly. We aren't in Alaska, after all.

 

 

 

December 16:

Ice storm this morning. Fell on my ass on the ice in the driveway putting down salt. Hurt like hell. The wife laughed for an hour, which I think was very cruel.

 

 

December 17:

Still way below freezing. Roads are too icy to go anywhere. Electricity was off for five hours. I had to pile the blankets on to stay warm. Nothing to do but stare at the wife and try not to irritate her. Guess I should've bought a wood stove, but won't admit it to her. God I hate it when she's right. I can't believe I'm freezing to death in my own living room.

 

 

December 20:

Electricity's back on, but had another 14" of the damn stuff last night. More shoveling. Took all day. Damned snowplow came by twice. Tried to find a neighbor kid to shovel, but they said they're too busy playing hockey. I think they're lying. Called the only hardware store around to see about buying a snow blower, and they're out. Might have another shipment in March. I think they're lying. Bob says I have to shovel or the city will have it done and bill me. I think he's lying.

 

 

December 22:

Bob was right about a white Christmas, because 13 more inches of the white shit fell today, and it's so cold it probably won't melt 'till August. Took me 45 minutes to get all dressed up to go out to shovel, and then I had to piss. By the time I got undressed, pissed and dressed again, I was too tired to shovel! Tried to hire Bob, who has a plow on his truck, for the rest of the winter; but he says he's too busy.

I think the asshole is lying.

 

 

 

December 23:

Only 2" of snow today, and it warmed up to "0". The wife wanted me to decorate the front of the house this morning. What, is she nuts!!! Why didn't she tell me to do that a month ago? She says she did, but I think she's lying.

 

 

 

 

December 24:

Snow packed so hard by snowplow, I broke the shovel. Thought I was having a heart attack. If I ever catch the S.O.B. who drives that snowplow, I'll drag him through the snow by his balls and beat him to death with my broken shovel. I know he hides around the corner and waits for me to finish shoveling and then he comes down the street at a 100 miles an hour and throws snow all over everywhere I've just been! Tonight the wife wanted me to sing Christmas carols with her and open our presents, but I was too busy watching for the damn snowplow.

 

 

December 25:

 

Merry Friggin' Christmas. 20 more inches of the slop tonight. Snowed in. The idea of shoveling makes my blood boil. God, I hate the snow! Then the snowplow driver came by asking for a donation and I hit him over the head with my shovel. The wife says I have a bad attitude. I think she's a fricking idiot. If I have to watch "It's a Wonderful Life" one more time, I'm going to stuff her into the microwave.

 

 

December 26:

Still snowed in. Why the hell did I ever move here? It was all HER idea. She's really getting on my nerves.

 

 

December 27:

Temperature dropped to -30, and the pipes froze. Plumber came after 14 hours of waiting for him; he only charged me $1,400 to replace all my pipes.

December 28:

Warmed up to above -50. Still snowed in. The BITCH is driving me crazy!!!!!

 

 

December 29:

10 more inches. Bob says I have to shovel the roof or it could cave in. That's the silliest thing I ever heard How dumb does he think I am?

 

 

December 30:

Roof caved in. I beat up the snow plow driver. He is now suing me for a million dollars; not for only the beating I gave him, but also for trying to shove the broken snow shovel up his ass. The wife went home to her mother. 9" predicted.

 

 

December 31:

I set fire to what's left of the house. No more shoveling.

 

 

January 8:

I feel so good. I just love those little white pills they keep giving me. Why am I tied to the bed?

Blog: http://sandcastle.sandsys.org/

Former Rigs: Liesure Travel van, Winnebago View 24H, Winnebago Journey 34Y, Sportsmobile Sprinter conversion van

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  • 2 weeks later...

Here's a "cute" New Years greeting Click the link.

 

Happy New Years to our online SKP family.

CoolJudy

= = = = = = = = = = = = = = =

Yes, there really is a COOL, California.

Judy, Luke, and GSD Miss Shade

SKP# 89390 - Boomers, SKP Elks, SKP Geocachers, Chapt. 8

CoolRVers on the Road Blog

Selling 2007 Itasca Horizon 40TD and 06 Honda CR-V

2019 Dynamax Isata 3 Series 24FW

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  • 2 weeks later...

Catholic Shampoo

 

 

 

While shopping in a food store, two Nuns happened to pass by the beer section. One asked the other if she would like a beer.

The second Nun answered that, indeed, it would be very nice to have one, but that she wouldn't feel comfortable about buying it. The first Nun replied that she could handle that without a problem. She picked up a six-pack and took it to the cashier.

The cashier had a surprised look on his face, so the Nun said, 'We use beer for washing our hair....a sort of shampoo if you will.' Without blinking an eye, the cashier reached under the counter, pulled out a bag of pretzels and placed them in the bag with the beer. He then looked the Nun straight in the eye, smiled and said, 'The curlers are on the house.'

tjones1935

 

If you can't fix it with a hammer you have an electrical problem.

.

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:angry: What is butt dust???-----

 

The Sermon I think this Mom will never forget.... this particular Sunday

sermon...'Dear Lord,' the minister began, with arms extended toward

heaven and a rapturous look on his upturned face. 'Without you, we are

but dust...' He would have continued but at that moment my very obedient

daughter who was listening leaned over to me and asked quite audibly in

her shrill little four year old girl voice, 'Mom, what is butt dust?' :P

38' 1996 Alfa Gold

FREE MASON Home Blue Lodge #64/Lake Havasu, AZ.

who said? "No free man shall ever be debarred the use of arms. The strongest reason for the people to retain the right to keep and bear arms is, as a last resort, to protect themselves against tyranny in government."

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Catholic education and a #2 pencil

 

Little Susie was not the best studentin Catholic School . Usually she slept

through the class.

 

One day her teacher, a Nun, called on her while she was sleeping

Tell me Susie, who created the universe?'

 

When Susie didn't stir, little Johnny who was her friend sitting behind her,took

his pencil and jabbed her in the rear.

'God Almighty!' shouted Susie.

The Nun said, 'Very good' and continued teaching her class.

A little later the Nun asked Susie, 'Who is our Lord and Savior?'

 

But Susie didn't stir from her slumber. Once again, Johnny came to her rescue

and stuck her in the butt. Jesus Christ!!!' shouted Susie.

 

 

And the Nun once again said, 'Very good,' and Susie fell back asleep.

 

The Nun asked her a third question...'What did Eve say to Adam after she had her

twenty-third child?

Again, Johnny came to the rescue.

This time Susie jumped up and shouted,

 

 

 

If you stick that damn thing in me one more time , I'll break it in half! The

nun fainted

***************

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When our daughter was about three years old we were in Omaha when she saw her first real, live cowboy. He was wearing a black hat. She proclaimed loud enough for all around to hear, "Look, Mama. A bad man!"

 

Linda Sand

Blog: http://sandcastle.sandsys.org/

Former Rigs: Liesure Travel van, Winnebago View 24H, Winnebago Journey 34Y, Sportsmobile Sprinter conversion van

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“Sesame Street” is 39 years old this week.

 

Who would have guessed 39 years ago, “Sesame Street” would still be going strong and Wall Street would wind up getting canceled?

 

- Jay Leno

First rule of computer consulting:

Sell a customer a Linux computer and you'll eat for a day.

Sell a customer a Windows computer and you'll eat for a lifetime.

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  • 2 weeks later...

I've often been asked, "What do you old folks do now that you're retired?"

Well...I'm fortunate to have a few friends who have chemical engineering backgrounds, and one of the things we enjoy most is turning beer, wine, bourbon, and martinis into urine.

= = = = = = = = = = = = = = =

Yes, there really is a COOL, California.

Judy, Luke, and GSD Miss Shade

SKP# 89390 - Boomers, SKP Elks, SKP Geocachers, Chapt. 8

CoolRVers on the Road Blog

Selling 2007 Itasca Horizon 40TD and 06 Honda CR-V

2019 Dynamax Isata 3 Series 24FW

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Retired folks will sometimes leave others with words to remember.

Yesterday I was at Pet Smart buying a large bag of Purina dog chow for my loyal dog Zeke, and was in the checkout line when the woman behind me asked if I had a dog.

 

What did she think I had, an elephant? So since I'm retired and have little to do, on impulse I told her, No, I don't have a dog. I am starting the Purina Diet again. I added that I probably shouldn't, because I ended up in the hospital last time, but that I'd lost 50 pounds before I awakened in an intensive care ward with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms.

 

I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet, and that the way it works is to load your pockets with Purina nuggets. Then you simply take one or two every time you feel hungry. The food is nutritionally complete so it works well, and I was going to try it again.

 

I have to mention here that practically everyone in line was now enthralled with my story.

Horrified, she asked if I ended up in intensive care because the dog food poisoned me.

I told her no, that I stepped off a curb to sniff an Irish Setter's ass and a car hit us both.

I thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart attack he was laughing so hard.

Pet Smart won't let me shop there anymore.

 

Better watch what you ask retired people. They have all the time in the world to think of crazy things to say!

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Yes, there really is a COOL, California.

Judy, Luke, and GSD Miss Shade

SKP# 89390 - Boomers, SKP Elks, SKP Geocachers, Chapt. 8

CoolRVers on the Road Blog

Selling 2007 Itasca Horizon 40TD and 06 Honda CR-V

2019 Dynamax Isata 3 Series 24FW

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Was it a Google Street-View car that hit you and the puppy? they have a really bad reputation these days... :-)

 

 

How about this one from England? (don't blame me for their spelling!)

 

 

Ralph was driving home one evening when he suddenly realised that it was his daughter’s birthday and he hadn’t bought her a present.

 

He drove to the shopping mall, ran to the toy store and said to the saleswoman, “How much is that Barbie in the window?” In a condescending manner, she says “Which Barbie?” She continues, “We have Barbie Goes to the Gym for 319.95, Barbie Goes to the Ball for £19.95, Barbie Goes Shopping for £19.95, Barbie Goes to the Beach for £19.95, Barbie Goes Nightclubbing for £19.95, and Divorced Barbie for £265.00″.

 

“So why is the Divorced Barbie £265.00 when all the others are only £19.95?” asks Ralph

 

“Well that’s obvious” says the saleswoman “Divorced Barbie comes with Ken’s house, Ken’s car, Ken’s boat, Ken’s furniture….”

First rule of computer consulting:

Sell a customer a Linux computer and you'll eat for a day.

Sell a customer a Windows computer and you'll eat for a lifetime.

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