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Working people frequently ask retired people what they do to make their days interesting. Well, for example, the other day I went downtown and went into a shop. I was only in there for about 5 minutes and when I came out there was a cop writing out a parking ticket. I went up to him and said, "Come on, man, how about giving a retired person a break"? He ignored me and continued writing the ticket.

 

I called him a "Nazi." He glared at me and started writing another ticket for having worn tires. So I called him a "doughnut eating Gestapo." He finished the second ticket and put it on the windshield with the first. Then he started writing a third ticket. This went on for about 20 minutes. The more I abused him, the more tickets he wrote .

 

Personally, I didn't care. I came downtown on the bus and the car that he was putting the tickets on had a bumper sticker that said "Hillary in '08." I try to have a little fun each day now that I'm retired. It's important to my health.

 

Carl

"Before you criticize people, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile away, and you have their shoes.

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What it took to get an 8th grade education in 1895...

 

Remember when grandparents and great-grandparents stated that they "only" had an 8th grade education? Well, check this out. Could any of us have passed the 8th grade in 1895?

 

This is the eighth-grade final exam from 1895 in Salina , Kansas , USA . It was taken from the original document on file at the Smokey Valley Genealogical Society and Library in Salina , and reprinted by the Salina Journal.

 

8th Grade Final Exam: Salina , KS - 1895

 

Grammar (Time, one hour)

 

1. Give nine rules for the use of capital letters.

2. Name the parts of speech and define those that have no modifications.

3. Define verse, stanza and paragraph

4. What are the principal parts of a verb? Give principal parts of "lie,""play," and "run."

5. Define case; illustrate each case.

6 What is punctuation? Give rules for principal marks of punctuation.

7 - 10. Write a composition of about 150 words and show therein that you understand the practical use of the rules of grammar.

 

 

Arithmetic (Time,1 hour 15 minutes)

 

1. Name and define the Fundamental Rules of Arithmetic.

2. A wagon box is 2 ft. Deep, 10 feet long, and 3 ft. Wide. How many bushels of wheat will it hold?

3. If a load of wheat weighs 3,942 lbs., what is it worth at 50cts/bushel, deducting 1,050 lbs. For tare?

4. District No 33 has a valuation of $35,000. What is the necessary levy to carry on a school seven months at $50 per month, and have $104 for incidentals?

5. Find the cost of 6,720 lbs. Coal at $6.00 per ton.

6. Find the interest of $512.60 for 8 months and 18 days at 7 percent.

7. What is the cost of 40 boards 12 inches wide and 16 ft. Long at $20 per metre?

8. Find bank discount on $300 for 90 days (no grace) at 10 percent.

9. What is the cost of a square farm at $15 per acre, the di stance of which is 640 rods?

10. Write a Bank Check, a Promissory Note, and a Receipt

 

U.S. History (Time, 45 minutes)

 

1. Give the epochs into which U.S. History is divided

2. Give an account of the discovery of America by Columbus

3. Relate the causes and results of the Revolutionary War.

4. Show the territorial growth of the United States

5. Tell what you can of the history of Kansas .

6. Describe three of the most prominent battles of the Rebellion.

7. Who were the following: Morse, Whitney, Fulton , Bell , Lincoln , Penn, and Howe?

8. Name event s connected with the following dates: 1607, 1620, 1800, 1849, 1865.

 

Orthography (Time, one hour) [Do we even know what this is??]

 

1. What is meant by the following: alphabet, phonetic, orthography, etymology, syllabication

2. What are elementary sounds? How classified?

3. What are the following, and give examples of each: trigraph, subvocals, diphthong, cognate letters, linguals

4. Give four substitutes for caret 'u.' (HUH?)

5. Give two rules for spelling words with final 'e.' Name two exceptions under each rule.

6. Give two uses of silent letters in spelling. Illustrate each.

7. Define the following prefixes and use in connection with a word: bi, dis-mis, pre, semi, post, non, inter, mono, sup.

8. Mark diacritically and divide into syllables the following, and name the sign that indicates the sound: card, ball, mercy, sir, odd, cell, rise, blood, fare, last.

9. Use the f ollowing correctly in sentences: cite, site, sight, fane, fain, feign, vane , vain, vein, raze, raise, rays.

10. Write 10 words frequently mispronounced and indicate pronunciation by use of diacritical marks and by syllabication.

 

Geography (Time, one hour)

 

1 What is climate? Upon what does climate depend?

2. How do you account for the extremes of climate in Kansas ?

3. Of what use are rivers? Of what use is the ocean?

4. Describe the mountains of North America

5. Name and describe the following: Monrovia , Odessa , Denver , Manitoba , Hecla , Yukon , St. Helena , Juan Fernandez, Aspinwall and Orinoc.

6. Name and locate the principal trade centers of the U.S.

7. Name all the republics of Europe and give the capital of each.

8. Why is the Atlantic Coast colder than the Pacific in the same latitude?

9. Describe the process by which the water of the ocean returns to the sources of rivers.

10. Describe the movements of the earth. Give the inclination of the earth.

 

Notice that the exam took FIVE HOURS to complete.

 

Gives the saying "he only had an 8th grade education" a whole new meaning, doesn't it?!

 

Also shows you how poor our education system has become! and, NO! I don't have the answers!

Jim and Carolyn (And Sandy, The Wonder Dog)

SKP# 97859

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You've probably seen this before, but it bears repeating.

 

What would you do? You make the choice. Don't look for a punch line, there isn't one. Read it anyway. My question is: Would you have made the same choice?

 

At a fundraising dinner for a school that serves learning-disabled children, the father of one of the students delivered a speech that would never be forgotten by all who attended. After extolling the school and its dedicated staff, he offered a question: 'When not interfered with by outside influences, everything nature does is done with perfection. Yet my son, Shay, cannot learn things as other children do. He cannot understand things as other children do. Where is the natural order of things in my son?'

 

The audience was stilled by the query.

 

The father continued. 'I believe, that when a child like Shay, physically and mentally handicapped comes into the world, an opportunity to realize true human nature presents itself, and it comes in the way other people treat that child.'

 

Then he told the following story:

 

Shay and his father had walked past a park where some boys Shay knew were playing baseball. Shay asked, 'Do you think they'll let me play?' Shay's father knew that most of the boys would not want someone like Shay on their team, but the father also understood that if his son were allowed to play, it would give him a much-needed sense of belonging and some confidence to be accepted by others in spite of his handicaps.

 

Shay's father approached one of the boys on the field and asked (not expecting much) if Shay could play. The boy looked around for guidance and said, 'We're losing by six runs and the game is in the eighth inning. I guess he can be on our team and we'll try to put him in to bat in the ninth inning.'

 

Shay struggled over to the team's bench and, with a broad smile, put on a team shirt. His Father watched with a small tear in his eye and warmth in his heart. The boys saw the father's joy at his son being accepted. In the bottom of the eighth inning, Shay's team scored a few runs but was still behind by three. In the top of the ninth inning, Shay put on a glove and played in the right field. Even though no hits came his way, he was obviously ecstatic just to be in the game and on the field, grinning from ear to ear as his father waved to him from the stands. In the bottom of the ninth inning, Shay's team scored again. Now, with two outs and the bases loaded, the potential winning run was on base and Shay was scheduled to be next at bat.

 

At this juncture, do they let Shay bat and give away their chance to win the game? Surprisingly, Shay was given the bat. Everyone knew that a hit was all but impossible because Shay didn't even know how to hold the bat properly, much less connect with the ball.

 

However, as Shay stepped up to the plate, the pitcher, recognizing that the other team was putting winning aside for this moment in Shay's life, moved in a few steps to lob the ball in softly so Shay could at least make contact. The first pitch came and Shay swung clumsily and missed. The pitcher again took a few steps forward to toss the ball softly towards Shay. As the pitch came in, Shay swung at the ball and hit a slow ground ball right back to the pitcher.

 

The game would now be over. The pitcher picked up the soft grounder and could have easily thrown the ball to the first baseman. Shay would have been out and that would have been the end of the game.

 

Instead, the pitcher threw the ball right over the first baseman's head, out of reach of all team mates. Everyone from the stands and both teams started yelling, 'Shay, run to first! Run to first!' Never in his life had Shay ever run that far, but he made it to first base. He scampered down the baseline, wide-eyed and startled.

 

Everyone yelled, 'Run to second, run to second!' Catching his breath, Shay awkwardly ran towards second, gleaming and struggling to make it to the base. By the time Shay rounded towards second base, the right fielder had the ball ... the smallest guy on their team who now had his first chance to be the hero for his team. He could have thrown the ball to the second-baseman for the tag, but he understood the pitcher's intentions so he, too, intentionally threw the ball high and far over the third-baseman's head. Shay ran toward third base deliriously as the runners ahead of him circled the bases toward home.

 

All were screaming, 'Shay, Shay, Shay, all the Way Shay'

 

Shay reached third base because the opposing shortstop ran to help him by turning him in the direction of third base, and shouted, 'Run to third! Shay, run to third!'

 

As Shay rounded third, the boys from both teams, and the spectators, were on their feet screaming, 'Shay, run home! Run home!' Shay ran to home, stepped on the plate, and was cheered as the hero who hit the grand slam and won the game for his team.

 

'That day', said the father softly with tears now rolling down his face, 'the boys from both teams helped bring a piece of true love and humanity into this world'.

 

Shay didn't make it to another summer. He died that winter, having never forgotten being the hero and making his father so happy and coming home and seeing his Mother tearfully embrace her little hero of the day!

 

AND NOW A LITTLE FOOTNOTE TO THIS STORY: We all send thousands of jokes through the e-mail without a second thought, but when it comes to sending messages about life choices, people hesitate. The crude, vulgar, and often obscene pass freely through cyberspace, but public discussion about decency is too often suppressed in our schools and workplaces.

 

If you're thinking about forwarding this message, chances are that you're probably sorting out the people in your address book who aren't the 'appropriate' ones to receive this type of message. Well, the person who sent you this believes that we all can make a difference. We all have thousands of opportunities every single day to help realize the 'natural order of things.' So many seemingly trivial interactions between two people present us with a choice: Do we pass along a little spark of love and humanity or do we pass up those opportunities and leave the world a little bit colder in the process?

 

A wise man once said every society is judged by how it treats it's least fortunate amongst them.

 

You now have two choices: 1. Delete 2. Forward

 

May your day be a Shay Day

Jim and Carolyn (And Sandy, The Wonder Dog)

SKP# 97859

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STATUES

 

Two statues stood in a city park: one female and the other male. These statues faced each other for many years.

Early one morning, an angel appeared before the statues and said, "Since the two of you have been exemplary statues and have brought enjoyment to many people, I am giving you your greatest wish. I hereby give you the gift of life. You have 30 minutes to do whatever you desire."

 

And with that command, the statues came to life. The two statues smiled at each other, ran toward some nearby woods and dove behind a couple of bushes. The angel smiled to himself as he listened to the two statues giggling, bushes rustling, and twigs snapping.

 

After fifteen minutes, the two statues emerged from the bushes, satisfied and smiling.

 

Puzzled, the angel looked at his watch and asked the statues, "You still have fifteen minutes. Would you like to continue?"

 

The male statue looked at the female and asked, "Do you want to do it again?"

 

Smiling, the female statue said, "Sure. But this time YOU hold the pigeon down and I'll crap on its head!"

= = = = = = = = = = = = = = =

Yes, there really is a COOL, California.

Judy, Luke, and GSD Miss Shade

SKP# 89390 - Boomers, SKP Elks, SKP Geocachers, Chapt. 8

CoolRVers on the Road Blog

Selling 2007 Itasca Horizon 40TD and 06 Honda CR-V

2019 Dynamax Isata 3 Series 24FW

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Remember: You don't stop laughing because you grow old; You grow old because you stop laughing .

38' 1996 Alfa Gold

FREE MASON Home Blue Lodge #64/Lake Havasu, AZ.

who said? "No free man shall ever be debarred the use of arms. The strongest reason for the people to retain the right to keep and bear arms is, as a last resort, to protect themselves against tyranny in government."

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I've been gone awhile and a quick review here tells me I have missed a bunch. I will get busy catching up over the w/e.

 

In the meantime, I was sent something that I thought worth sharing and I posted a link in my blog. Anyone up for a brief trip back in time, click on my blog link below, then click the link there. The "show" is about five minutes long and I think most people here are old enough to appreciate it (but you don't have to 'fess up to that -- just go enjoy.)

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After having dug to a depth of 10 meters last year, Scottish scientists found traces of copper wire dating back 100 years and came to the conclusion that their ancestors already had a telephone network more than 100 years ago

 

Not to be outdone by the Scots, in the weeks that followed, British scientists dug to a depth of 20 meters, and shortly after, headlines in the UK newspapers read:

 

"British archaeologists have found traces of 200 year old copperwire and have concluded that their ancestors already had an advanced high-tech communications network a hundred years earlier than the Scots."

 

One week later, "The Nordic Klub", a Minot , North Dakota newsletter reported the following:

 

"After digging as deep as 30 meters in corn fields near Velva, Ole Johnson, a self taught archeologist, reported that he found absolutely nothing. Ole has therefore concluded that 300 years ago North Dakota had already gone wireless."

tjones1935

 

If you can't fix it with a hammer you have an electrical problem.

.

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A 76-year-old man goes for a physical. All of his tests come back with normal results. The doctor says, "Harry, everything looks great. How are you doing mentally and emotionally? Are you at peace with God?"

 

Harry replies, "God and I are tight. He knows I have poor eyesight, so he's fixed it so when I get up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom, poof! The light goes on. When I'm done, poof! the light goes off."

 

"Wow, that's incredible," the doctor says.

 

A little later in the day, the doctor calls Harry's wife. "Ethel," he says, "Harry is doing fine! But I had to call you because I'm in awe of his relationship with God. Is it true that he gets up during the night and poof! the light goes on in the bathroom, and when he's done, poof! the light goes off?"

 

"Oh my God!" Ethel exclaims. "He's peeing in the fridge again!

= = = = = = = = = = = = = = =

Yes, there really is a COOL, California.

Judy, Luke, and GSD Miss Shade

SKP# 89390 - Boomers, SKP Elks, SKP Geocachers, Chapt. 8

CoolRVers on the Road Blog

Selling 2007 Itasca Horizon 40TD and 06 Honda CR-V

2019 Dynamax Isata 3 Series 24FW

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  • 2 weeks later...

'nuff said

 

When in England at a fairly large conference, Colin Powell was asked by the Archbishop of Canterbury if our plans for Iraq were just an example of empire building' by George Bush.

 

He answered by saying, "Over the years, the United States has sent many of its fine young men and women into great peril to fight for freedom beyond our borders.

 

The only amount of land we have ever asked for in return is enough to bury those that did not return."

 

It became very quiet in the room.

 

************************************************************

 

Then there was a conference in France where a number of international engineers were taking part, including French and American. During a break one of the French engineers came back into the room saying "Have you heard the latest dumb stunt Bush has done? He has sent an aircraft carrier to Indonesia to help the tsunami victims.

 

What does he intend to do, bomb them?"

 

A Boeing engineer stood up and replied quietly: "Our carriers have three hospitals on board that can treat several hundred people; they are nuclear powered and can supply emergency electrical power to shore facilities; they have three cafeterias with the capacity to feed 3,000 people three meals a day, they can produce several thousand gallons of fresh water from sea water each day, and they carry half a dozen helicopters for use in transporting victims and injured to and from their flight deck..

 

We have eleven such ships; how many does France have?"

 

Once again, dead silence.

 

*************************************************************

 

A U.S. Navy Admiral was attending a naval conference that included Admirals from the U.S., English, Canadian, Australian and French Navies.

 

At a cocktail reception, he found himself standing with a large group of Officers that included personnel from most of those countries. Everyone was chatting away in English as they sipped their drinks but a French admiral suddenly complained that, whereas Europeans learn many languages, Americans learn only English.'

 

He then asked, Why is it that we always have to speak English in these conferences rather than speaking French?'

 

Without hesitating, the American Admiral replied Maybe it's because the Brits, Canadians, Aussies and Americans arranged it so you wouldn't have to speak German.

 

You could have heard a pin drop

Jim and Carolyn (And Sandy, The Wonder Dog)

SKP# 97859

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Blond calls her husband all excited, and says, I just put together a real difficult puzzle.

 

Well that’s great darling. Yes she says the box says it takes 3 to 5 years, and I did it in only four hours.

 

 

 

He put his undying love in a poem.

 

ROSES ARE RED, VIOLETS ARE BLUE, YOUR SUGAR BOWL IS SWEET, THAT’S WHY I LOVE YOU.

 

Well the passion move to another part of town and he went with it, she found the poem and returned it with additional lines.

 

 

 

ROSES HAVE WILTED, VIOLETS ARE DEAD, THE SUGAR BOWL IS EMPTY, JUST LIKE YOUR HEAD.

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Liberals are Fleeing the United States

 

From the "Manitoba Herald," Canada:

 

The flood of American liberals sneaking across the border into Canada has intensified in the past week, sparking calls for increased patrols to stop the illegal immigration.

 

The actions of President Bush are prompting the exodus among left-leaning citizens who fear they'll soon be required to hunt, pray, and agree with Bill O'Reilly.

 

Canadian border farmers say it's not uncommon to see dozens of sociology professors, animal-rights activists and Unitarians crossing their fields at night.

 

"I went out to milk the cows the other day, and there was a Hollywood producer huddled in the barn," said Manitoba farmer Red Greenfield, whose acreage borders North Dakota. The producer was cold, exhausted and hungry. "He asked me if I could spare a latte and some free-range chicken. When I said I didn't have any, he left. Didn't even get a chance to show him my screenplay, eh?"

 

In an effort to stop the illegal aliens, Greenfield erected higher fences, but the liberals scaled them. So he tried installing speakers that blare Rush Limbaugh across the fields. "Not real effective," he said. "The liberals still got through, and Rush annoyed the cows so much they wouldn't give milk."

 

Officials are particularly concerned about smugglers who meet liberals near the Canadian border, pack them into Volvo station wagons, drive them across the border and leave them to fend for themselves.

 

"A lot of these people are not prepared for rugged conditions," an Ontario border patrolman said. "I found one carload without a drop of drinking water.â€They did have a nice little Napa Valley cabernet, though."

 

When liberals are caught, they're sent back across the border, often wailing loudly that they fear retribution from conservatives. Rumors have been circulating about the Bush administration establishing re-education camps in which liberals will be forced to drink domestic beer and watch NASCAR races.

 

In recent days, liberals have turned to sometimes ingenious ways of crossing the border. Some have taken to posing as senior citizens on bus trips to buy cheap Canadian prescription drugs. After catching a half-dozen young vegans disguised in powdered wigs, Canadian immigration authorities began stopping buses and quizzing the supposed Senior-citizen passengers on Perry Como and Rosemary Clooney hits to prove they were alive in the '50s. "If they can't identify the accordion player on The Lawrence Welk Show, we get suspicious about their age," an official said.

 

Canadian citizens have complained that the illegal immigrants are creating an organic-broccoli shortage and renting all the good Susan Sarandon movies.

 

"I feel sorry for American liberals, but the Canadian economy just can't support them," an Ottawa resident said. "How many art-history majors does one country need?"

 

icon_biggrin.gif

Jim and Carolyn (And Sandy, The Wonder Dog)

SKP# 97859

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  • 2 weeks later...

While looking on the web for new trailer tires,

 

this "(B)AD VERTIZEMENT" for tires,

 

obviously manufactured in China,

 

nevertheless brought a smile to my face and a frown,

 

as I had a hard time to decipher what dictionary the translator had used:

 

A good hug of the way = what SKPs do when they meet on the road

Rudi

 

full-time gypsy

part-time geek

 

Tow-er: 2005 Ford E-350 6.0 PSD; BrakeSmart; Custom ECM program

Tow-ee: 2001 Automate 32EL TT; Air Suspension; Electraulic Disc Brakes; Hensley Arrow Hitch; Photovoltaics

SKP # 89605

www.bayernrudi.com

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A teacher asked her young pupils how they spent their vacation. One child wrote the following:

 

"We always used to spend the holidays with Grandma and Grandpa.

 

They used to live here in a big brick house, but Grandpa got retarded and they moved to Florida and now they live in a place with a lot of other retarded people.

 

They live in a tin box and have rocks painted green to look like grass.

 

They ride around on big tricycles and wear name tags because they don't know who they are anymore.

 

They go to a building called a wrecked center, but they must have got it fixed, because it is all right now.

 

They play games and do exercises there, but they don't do them very well.

 

There is a swimming pool, too, but they all jump up and down in it with their hats on. I guess they don't know how to swim.

 

At their gate, there is a doll house with a little old man sitting in it. He watches all day so nobody can escape. Sometimes they sneak out. Then they go cruising in their golf carts.

 

My Grandma used to bake cookies and stuff, but I guess she forgot how. Nobody there cooks, they just eat out. And they eat the same thing every night: Early Birds.

 

Some of the people can't get past the man in the dollhouse to go out. So the ones who go get out bring food back to the wrecked center and call it pot luck.

 

My Grandma says Grandpa worked all his life to earn his retardment and says I should work hard so I can be retarded some day, too.

 

When I earn my retardment I want to be the man in the doll house. Then I will let people out so they can visit their grandchildren."

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  • 2 weeks later...

Reason Number 37 to own an MDT or HDT:

 

450 kegs of beer - try pulling that with a pickup!

 

http://news.yahoo.com/s/nm/20071129/od_uk_...reland_guinness

 

DUBLIN (Reuters) - A thief made off with 180 kegs of Guinness beer after smoothly driving into the Dublin brewery which makes the black stout and snatching a trailer load of drink, police said on Thursday.

 

The incident took place on Wednesday at the Guinness brewery on the banks of Dublin's River Liffey where Ireland's trademark tipple has been brewed for almost 250 years.

 

The lone raider's haul also contained 180 kegs of Budweiser and 90 barrels of Carlsberg lager, police said.

 

"A man drove into the yard in a truck and took a trailer containing the drink which has an estimated value of 64,000 euros (46.000 pounds)," a police spokesman said.

First rule of computer consulting:

Sell a customer a Linux computer and you'll eat for a day.

Sell a customer a Windows computer and you'll eat for a lifetime.

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  • 2 weeks later...

GOTTA TRY MY HAND AT THE DAY'S BEST HUMOR!

 

Dear Ma and Pa,

 

I am well. Hope you are. Tell Brother Walt and Brother Elmer the Army beats working for old man Minch by a mile. Tell them to join up quick before all of the places are filled.

 

I was restless at first because you got to stay in bed till nearly 6 a.m. But I am getting so I like to sleep late. Tell Walt and Elmer all you do before breakfast is smooth your cot, and shine some things. No hogs to slop, feed to pitch, mash to mix, wood to split, fire to lay. Practically nothing.

 

Men got to shave but it is not so bad, there's warm water. Breakfast is strong on trimmings like fruit juice, cereal, eggs, bacon, etc., but kind of weak on chops, potatoes, ham, steak, fried eggplant, pie and other regular food, but tell Walt and Elmer you can always sit by the two city boys that live on coffee. Their food, plus yours, holds you until noon when you get fed again. It's no wonder these city boys can't walk much.

 

We g o on " route marches," which the platoon sergeant says are long walks to harden us. If he thinks so, it's not my place to tell him different. A "route march" is about as far as to our mailbox at home. Then the city guys get sore feet and we all ride back in trucks.

 

The sergeant is like a school teacher. He nags a lot. The Captain is like the school board. Majors and colonels just ride around and frown. They don't bother you none.

 

This next will kill Walt and Elmer with laughing. I keep getting medals for shooting. I don't know why. The bulls-eye is near as big as a chipmunk head and don't move, and it ain't shooting at you like the Higgett boys at home. All you got to do is lie there all comfortable and hit it. You don't even load your own cartridges They come in boxes.

 

Then we have what they call hand-to-hand comb at tra ining. You get to wrestle with them city boys. I have to be real careful though, they break real easy. It ain't like fighting with that ole bull at home. I'm about the best they got in this except for that Tug Jordan from over in Silver Lake. I only beat him once. He joined up the same time as me, but I'm only 5'6" and 130 pounds and he's 6'8" and near 300 pounds dry.

 

Be sure to tell Walt and Elmer to hurry and join before other fellers get onto this setup and come stampeding in.

 

Your loving daughter,

Alice

My Photo Albums: www.leejacobs.org

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  • 1 month later...

HELLO OUT THERE!

 

WHAT HAPPENED TO YOUR HUMOR?

 

I WENT IT TO AN ANTIQUE STORE AND THEY KICKED ME OUT WHEN I ASKED THE OWNER "HEY WHAT'S NEW"

 

HELPPPPPPP

38' 1996 Alfa Gold

FREE MASON Home Blue Lodge #64/Lake Havasu, AZ.

who said? "No free man shall ever be debarred the use of arms. The strongest reason for the people to retain the right to keep and bear arms is, as a last resort, to protect themselves against tyranny in government."

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Only 90 days until I get my Rebate. Even if it is only a trickle back rebate. My SS.

38' 1996 Alfa Gold

FREE MASON Home Blue Lodge #64/Lake Havasu, AZ.

who said? "No free man shall ever be debarred the use of arms. The strongest reason for the people to retain the right to keep and bear arms is, as a last resort, to protect themselves against tyranny in government."

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Potentially vs Realistically

 

A young boy went up to his father and asked him, 'Dad, what is the difference between 'Potentially' and 'Realistically'?'

The father thought for a moment, then answered, 'Go ask your mother if she would sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars. Then ask your sister if she would sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars, and then, ask your brother if he'd sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars. Come back and tell me what you learn from that.'

 

So the boy went to his mother and asked, 'Would you sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars?' The mother replied, 'Of course I would! We could really use that money to fix up the house and send you kids to a great university!'

 

The boy then went to his sister and asked, 'Would you sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars?' The girl replied, 'Oh good heavens! I LOVE Brad Pitt and I would sleep with him in a heartbeat. Are you nuts?'

 

The boy then went to his brother and asked, 'Would you sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars?' 'Of course,' the brother replied. 'Do you know how much a million bucks would buy?'

 

The boy pondered the answers for a few days and then went back to his dad. His father asked him, 'Did you find out the difference between 'potentially' and realistically'?'

The boy replied: 'Yes. 'Potentially,' you and I are sitting on three million dollars, but 'realistically,' we're living with two hookers and a future congressman.''

HR Endeavor/Tracker 4WD

DataStorm F1/SatMx 5

See where I am today

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Good safety video with subtitles for any Yankees out there... They don't mention it but keeping a pair of clean shorts under your hat might be a good idea too.

 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9_1B2b8wXUE&feature=related

 

Also why the border patrol agent that stops you might have just a bit of booze on his breath.

 

First rule of computer consulting:

Sell a customer a Linux computer and you'll eat for a day.

Sell a customer a Windows computer and you'll eat for a lifetime.

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Last night my sister and I were sitting in the den, and I said to her, ''I never want to live in a vegetative state, dependent on some machine and fluids from a bottle to keep me alive. That would be no quality of life at all. If that ever happens, just pull the plug.''

 

So she got up, unplugged the computer, and threw out my wine.

= = = = = = = = = = = = = = =

Yes, there really is a COOL, California.

Judy, Luke, and GSD Miss Shade

SKP# 89390 - Boomers, SKP Elks, SKP Geocachers, Chapt. 8

CoolRVers on the Road Blog

Selling 2007 Itasca Horizon 40TD and 06 Honda CR-V

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Grandparents

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She was in the bathroom, putting on her makeup, under the watchful eyes of her young granddaughter as she'd done many times before. After she applied her lipstick and started to leave, the little one said, "But Gramma, you forgot to kiss the toilet paper good-bye!"

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My young grandson called the other day to wish me Happy Birthday. He asked me how old I was, and I told him, "62." He was quiet for a moment, and then he asked, "Did you start at 1?"

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After putting her grandchildren to bed, a grandmother changed into old slacks and a droopy blouse and proceeded to wash her hair. As she heard the children getting more and more rambunctious, her patience grew thin. Finally, she threw a towel around her head and stormed into their room, putting them back to bed with stern warnings. As she left the room, she heard the three-year-old say with a trembling voice, "Who was THAT?"

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A grandmother was telling her little granddaughter what her own childhood was like: "We used to skate outside on a pond. I had a swing made from a tire; it hung from a tree in our front yard. We rode our pony. We picked wild raspberries in the woods." The little girl was wide-eyed, taking this all in. At last she said, "I sure wish I'd gotten to know you sooner!"

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My grandson was visiting one day when he asked, "Grandma, do you know how you and God are alike?" I mentally polished my halo while I asked, "No, how are we alike?"

"You're both old," he replied.

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A little girl was diligently pounding away on her grandfather's word processor. She told him she was writing a story. "What's it about?" he asked. "I don't know," she replied. "I can't read."

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I didn't know if my granddaughter had learned her colors yet, so I decided to test her. I would point out something and ask what color it was. She would tell me and was always correct. It was fun for me, so I continued. At last she headed for the door, saying sagely, "Grandma, I think you should try to figure out some of these yourself!"

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When my grandson Billy and I entered our vacation cabin, we kept the lights off until we were inside to keep from attracting pesky insects. Still, a few fireflies followed us in. Noticing them before I did, Billy whispered, "It's no use, Grandpa. The mosquitoes are coming after us with flashlights."

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When my grandson asked me how old I was, I teasingly replied, "I'm not sure." "Look in your underwear, Grandpa," he advised. "mine says I'm four to six."

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A second grader came home from school and said to her grandmother, "Grandma, guess what? We learned how to make babies today." The grandmother, more than a little surprised, tried to keep her cool. "That's interesting," she said, "how do you make babies?" "It's simple," replied the girl. "You just change 'y' to 'i' and add 'es'."

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Children's Logic: "Give me a sentence about a public servant," said a teacher. The small boy wrote: "The fireman came down the ladder pregnant." The teacher took the lad aside to correct him. "Don't you know what pregnant means?" she asked. "Sure," said the young boy confidently. "It means carrying a child."

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A nursery school teacher was delivering a station wagon full of kids home one day when a fire truck zoomed past. Sitting in the front seat of the truck was a Dalmatian dog. The children started discussing the dog's duties.

"They use him to keep crowds back," said one child.

"No," said another, "he's just for good luck."

A third child brought the argument to a close. "They use the dogs," she said firmly, "to find the fire hydrants...

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On the first day of school a first grade teacher explains to her class that she is a Yankees fan. She asks her students to raise their hands if they, too, are Yankees fans.

 

Wanting to impress their teacher, everyone in the class raises their hand except one little girl.

 

The teacher looks at the girl with surprise and says, "Janie, why didn't you raise your hand?"

 

"Because I'm not a Yankees fan," she replied.

 

The teacher, still shocked, asked, "Well, if you are not a Yankees fan, then who are you a fan of?"

 

"I am a Red Sox fan, and proud of it," Janie replied.

 

The teacher could not believe her ears. "Janie, why pray tell are you a Red Sox fan?"

 

"Because my mom is a Red Sox fan, and my dad is Red Sox fan, so I'm a Red Sox fan too!"

 

"Well," said the teacher in a obviously annoyed tone, "that is no reason for you to be a Red Sox fan. You don't have to be just like your parents all of the time. What if your mom were an idiot and your dad were a moron, what would you be then?"

 

"Then," Janie smiled, "I'd be a Yankees fan."

 

-----------------------------------------------

 

 

 

Little Carol came into the kitchen where her mother was making dinner. Her birthday was coming up and she thought this was a good time to tell her mother what she wanted. 'Mom, I want a bike for my birthday.'

 

Now, Little Carol was a bit of a troublemaker. She had gotten into trouble at school and at home. Carol's mother asked her if she thought she deserved to get a bike for her birthday. Little Carol, of course, thought she did.

 

Carol's mother, being a Christian woman, wanted her to reflect on her behavior over the last year, and write a letter to God and tell him why she deserved a bike for her birthday. Little Carol stomped up the steps to her room and sat down to write God a letter.

 

LETTER 1:

Dear God:

I have been a very good girl this year and I would like a bike for my birthday. I want a red one.

Your friend,

Carol

 

Carol knew this wasn't true. She had not been a very good girl this year, so she tore up the letter and started over.

 

LETTER 2:

Dear God:

This is your friend Carol. I have been a pretty good girl this year, and I would like a red bike for my birthday.

Thank you,

Carol

 

Carol knew this wasn't true either. She tore up the letter and started again.

 

LETTER 3:

Dear God:

I know I haven't been a good girl this year. I am very sorry. I will be a good girl if you just send me a red bike for my birthday.

Thank you,

Carol

 

Carol knew, even if it was true, this letter was not going to get her a bike. By now, she was very upset. She went downstairs and told her mother she wanted to go to church. Carol's mother thought her plan had worked because Carol looked very sad.

 

'Just be home in time for dinner,' her mother said.

 

Carol walked down the street to the church and up to the altar. She looked around to see if anyone was there. She picked up a statue of the Virgin Mary,

slipped it under her jacket and ran out of the church, down the street, into her house, and up to her room. She shut the door and sat down and wrote her letter to God.

 

LETTER 4:

I GOT YOUR MAMA. IF YOU WANT TO SEE HER AGAIN, SEND THE BIKE.

 

Signed,

YOU KNOW WHO

38' 1996 Alfa Gold

FREE MASON Home Blue Lodge #64/Lake Havasu, AZ.

who said? "No free man shall ever be debarred the use of arms. The strongest reason for the people to retain the right to keep and bear arms is, as a last resort, to protect themselves against tyranny in government."

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How many forum members does it take to change a lightbulb?

 

One to change the light bulb and to post that the lightbulb has been changed.

 

Fourteen to share similar experiences of changing lightbulbs and how the light bulb could have been changed differently.

 

Seven to caution about the dangers of changing light bulbs.

 

Seven more to point out spelling/grammar errors in posts about changing light bulbs.

 

Five to flame the spell checkers.

 

Three to correct spelling/grammar flames.

 

Six to argue over whether it's "lightbulb" or "light bulb" ...

 

Another six to condemn those six as stupid.

 

Fifteen to claim experience in the lighting industry and give the correct spelling.

 

Nineteen to post that this group is not about light bulbs and to please take this discussion to a lightbulb (or light bulb) forum.

 

Eleven to defend the posting to the group saying that we all use light bulbs and therefore the posts are relevant to this group.

 

Thirty six to debate which method of changing light bulbs is superior, where to buy the best light bulbs, what brand of light

bulbs work best for this technique and what brands are faulty.

 

Seven to post URLs where one can see examples of different light bulbs.

 

Four to post that the URLs were posted incorrectly and then post the corrected URL.

 

Three to post about links they found from the URLs that are relevant to this group which makes light bulbs relevant to this group.

 

Thirteen to link all posts to date, quote them in their entirety including all headers and signatures, and add "Me too"

 

Five to post to the group that they will no longer post because they cannot handle the light bulb controversy.

 

Four to say "didn't we go through this already a short time ago?"

 

Thirteen to say "do a Google search on light bulbs before posting questions about light bulbs."

 

Three to tell a funny story about their cat and a light bulb.

 

AND

 

One group lurker to respond to the original post 6 months from now with something unrelated they found at snopes.com and start it all over again!

First rule of computer consulting:

Sell a customer a Linux computer and you'll eat for a day.

Sell a customer a Windows computer and you'll eat for a lifetime.

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