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Can I SMILE today?


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  • 2 weeks later...
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from the article:

 

We still have it soooh much better, let's enjoy it.

Rudi

 

full-time gypsy

part-time geek

 

Tow-er: 2005 Ford E-350 6.0 PSD; BrakeSmart; Custom ECM program

Tow-ee: 2001 Automate 32EL TT; Air Suspension; Electraulic Disc Brakes; Hensley Arrow Hitch; Photovoltaics

SKP # 89605

www.bayernrudi.com

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  • 3 weeks later...

Sign on a Maternity Room door:

"Push. Push. Push."

38' 1996 Alfa Gold

FREE MASON Home Blue Lodge #64/Lake Havasu, AZ.

who said? "No free man shall ever be debarred the use of arms. The strongest reason for the people to retain the right to keep and bear arms is, as a last resort, to protect themselves against tyranny in government."

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A sign at a Tow Truck company:

"We don't charge an arm and a leg. We want tows."

38' 1996 Alfa Gold

FREE MASON Home Blue Lodge #64/Lake Havasu, AZ.

who said? "No free man shall ever be debarred the use of arms. The strongest reason for the people to retain the right to keep and bear arms is, as a last resort, to protect themselves against tyranny in government."

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A recent study conducted by Harvard University found that the average American walks about 900 miles a year.

 

Another study by the American Medical Association found that Americans drink, on average, 22 gallons of alcohol or wine a year.

 

This means, on average, Americans get about 41 miles to the gallon.

 

Kind of makes you proud to be an American.

= = = = = = = = = = = = = = =

Yes, there really is a COOL, California.

Judy, Luke, and GSD Miss Shade

SKP# 89390 - Boomers, SKP Elks, SKP Geocachers, Chapt. 8

CoolRVers on the Road Blog

Selling 2007 Itasca Horizon 40TD and 06 Honda CR-V

2019 Dynamax Isata 3 Series 24FW

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Saw someone blathering yesterday about folks not wanting to drive to Starbucks because their gas was $4.00 a gallon.

 

Sure glad they didn't price their coffee out to see what it costs per gallon!

 

This is one time new technology really fails us... 5 years ago I could have thrown a shoe at the idiot on my clunky CRT TV and it would have just bounced off and I'd have felt better. Can't do that with an LCD and heaving a nerf ball just doesn't satisfy. :-(

First rule of computer consulting:

Sell a customer a Linux computer and you'll eat for a day.

Sell a customer a Windows computer and you'll eat for a lifetime.

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  • 3 weeks later...

Morris and his wife Esther went to the state fair every year, and every year Morris would say, 'Esther,I'd like to ride in that helicopter.'Esther always replied, 'I know Morris, but that helicopter ride is fifty dollars, and fifty dollars is fifty dollars'One year Esther and Morris went to the fair, and Morris said, 'Esther, I'm 85 years old. If I don't ride that helicopter, I might never get another chance.'To this, Esther replied, 'Morris that helicopter ride is fifty dollars, and fifty dollars is fifty dollars.'The pilot overheard the couple and said, 'Folks I'll make you a deal. I'll take the both of you for a ride. If you can stay quiet for the entire ride and not say a word, I won't charge you! But if you say one word, it's fifty dollars.'Morris and Esther agreed and up they went. The pilot did all kinds of fancy maneuvers, but not a word was heard. He did his daredevil tricks over and over again, but still not a word.When they landed, the pilot turned to Morris and said, 'By golly, I did everything I could to get you to yell out, but you didn't. I'm impressed!'Morris replied, 'Well, to tell you the truth, I almost said something when Esther fell out on that first loop you did, but you know, fifty dollars IS fifty dollars!'

38' 1996 Alfa Gold

FREE MASON Home Blue Lodge #64/Lake Havasu, AZ.

who said? "No free man shall ever be debarred the use of arms. The strongest reason for the people to retain the right to keep and bear arms is, as a last resort, to protect themselves against tyranny in government."

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A Somalian arrives in Minneapolis as a new immigrant

to the United States He stops the first person he sees

walking down the street and says, 'Thank you Mr.

American for letting me in this country, giving me

housing, food stamps, free medical care, and

free education!'

 

The passerby says, 'You are mistaken, I am

Mexican.'

 

The man goes on and encounters another passerby. '

Thank you for having such a beautiful country here in

America!'

 

The person says, 'I not American, I Vietnamese.'

 

The new arrival walks further, and the next person he

sees he stops, shakes his hand and says, 'Thank you

for the wonderful America !' That person puts up his

hand and says, 'I am from Middle East, I am not

American!'

 

He finally sees a nice lady and asks, 'Are you an

American?'

 

She says, 'No, I am from Africa!'

 

Puzzled, he asks her, 'Where are all the Americans?'

 

The African lady checks her watch and says...

'Probably at work'!!!!!!!

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  • 4 weeks later...

STUD ROOSTER

A farmer went out one day and bought a brand new stud rooster for his chicken coop. The new rooster struts over to the old rooster and says,

 

'OK old fart, time for you to retire.'

The old rooster replies, 'Come on, surely you cannot handle

ALL of these chickens.

Look what it has done to me.'

'Can't you just let me have the two old hens over in the corner?'

The young rooster says,

'Beat it: You are washed up and I am taking over.'

The old rooster says,

'I tell you what, young stud.

 

I will race you around the farmhouse. Whoever wins gets the exclusive domain over the entire chicken coop.' The young rooster laughs.

'You know you don't stand a chance, old man.

So, just to be fair,

I will give you a head start.'

 

The old rooster takes off running. About 15 seconds later the young rooster takes off running after him. They round the front porch of the farmhouse and the young rooster has closed the gap.

 

He is only about 5 feet behind the old rooster and gaining fast. The farmer, meanwhile, is sitting in his usual spot on the front porch when he sees the roosters running by.

The Old Rooster is squawking and running as hard as he can.

The Farmer grabs his shotgun and

- BOOM -

he blows the young rooster to bits. The farmer sadly shakes his head and says,

 

'Dangit.....

third gay rooster I bought this month.'

 

Moral of this

story?

 

Don't mess with the THE OLDER GENERATION

age, skill, wisdom, and a little treachery

 

always overcome youth and arrogance!

38' 1996 Alfa Gold

FREE MASON Home Blue Lodge #64/Lake Havasu, AZ.

who said? "No free man shall ever be debarred the use of arms. The strongest reason for the people to retain the right to keep and bear arms is, as a last resort, to protect themselves against tyranny in government."

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Mildred, the church gossip and self-appointed monitor of the church's morals, kept sticking her nose into other people's business.

 

Several members did not approve of her activities, but feared her enough to maintain their silence.

 

She made a mistake, however, when she accused George, a new church member, of being an alcoholic after she saw his old pickup parked in front of the town's only bar one afternoon.

 

She emphatically told George (and several others) that everyone who saw his truck parked there would know exactly what he was doing.

 

George, a man of few words, stared at her for a moment and then just turned and walked away. He didn't explain, defend, or deny... He said nothing.

 

Later that evening, George quietly parked his pickup in front of Mildred's house... Walked home... And left it there all night.

 

You gotta love George...

__________

Cheers,

Ilse

 

"We are all atheists about most of the gods that societies have ever believed in. Some of us just go one god further." Richard Dawkins.

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  • 2 weeks later...

My wife and I were sitting at a table at my high school reunion, and I

kept staring at a drunken lady swigging her drink as she sat alone at a

nearby table.

 

My wife asked, "Do you know her?"

 

"Yes", I sighed, "She's my old girlfriend. I understand she took to

drinking right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear she

hasn't been sober since."

 

"My God!" says my wife, "Who would think a person would be able to go on

celebrating that long?"

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New Direction for the war on terrorists: Send Service Vets over 60 years old.

 

I am over 60 and the Armed Forces thinks I'm too old to track down terrorists. You can't be older than 42 to join the military.

 

They've got the whole thing ass backwards. Instead of sending 18-year olds off to fight, they ought to take us old guys. You shouldn't be able to join a military unit until you're at least 35.

 

 

For starters:

 

 

Researchers say 18-year-olds think about sex every 10 seconds. Old guys only think about sex a couple of times a day, leaving us more than 28,000 additional seconds per day to concentrate on the enemy.

 

 

Young guys haven't lived long enough to be cranky, and a cranky soldier is a dangerous soldier. 'My back hurts! I can't sleep, I'm tired and hungry.' We are impatient and maybe letting us kill some idiot that desperately deserves it will make us feel better and shut us up for a while.

 

An 18 -year-old doesn't even like to get up before 10 a.m. Old guys always get up early to pee so what the hell. Besides, like I said, 'I'm tired and can't sleep and since I'm already up, I may as well be up killing some fanatical son-of-a-b____.

 

If captured we couldn't spill the beans because

we'd forget where we put them. In fact, name, rank, and serial number would be a real brainteaser.

 

Boot camp would be easier for old guys. We're used to getting screamed and yelled at, and we're used to soft food. We've also developed an appreciation for guns. We've been using them for years as an excuse to get out of the house, away from the screaming and yelling.

 

 

They could lighten up on the obstacle course, however. I've been in combat and didn't see a single 20-foot wall with rope hanging over the side, nor did I ever do any push ups after completing basic training. I can hear the Drill Sgt. in the 'New army' now, 'Get down and give me ... ER ... one.'

 

 

Actually, the running part is kind of a waste of energy, too. I've never seen anyone outrun a bullet.

 

 

An 18-year-old has the whole world ahead of him. He's still learning to shave, to start up a conversation with a pretty girl. He still hasn't figured out that a baseball cap has a brim to shade his eyes, not the back of his head.

 

These are all great reasons to keep our kids at home to learn a little more about life before sending them off into harm's way.

 

 

Let us old guys track down those dirty rotten coward terrorists. The last thing an enemy would want to see right now is a couple of million pissed-off old farts with 'attitude' and automatic weapons who know that their best years are already behind them.

 

 

If nothing else, put us on border patrol ... we will have it secured the first night !

 

If you want to, share this with your senior friends. It's purposely in big type so they can read it.

tjones1935

 

If you can't fix it with a hammer you have an electrical problem.

.

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You can smile at this one if you don't live in CA, if you used to you can go for a belly laugh!

 

http://www.taxfoundation.org/blog/show/23538.html

 

Earlier this month, a California activist began gathering signatures to put a state wealth tax on the ballot. The measure would impose a new 35% income surtax (in addition to federal taxes and the existing 10.3% top state rate), and penalize people who leave the state by seizing 55% of assets exceeding $20 million.

 

The creatively named "Hasta La Vista Tax" of 36.8 percent is imposed when an individual dies or moves out of California. This exit tax would be on both recognized income and unrealized appreciation in asset values over $5 million.

First rule of computer consulting:

Sell a customer a Linux computer and you'll eat for a day.

Sell a customer a Windows computer and you'll eat for a lifetime.

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We went to breakfast at a restaurant where the 'seniors' special'

Was two eggs, bacon, hash browns and toast for $1.99.

'Sounds good,' my wife said. 'But I don't want the eggs.'

'Then, I'll have to charge you two dollars and forty-nine cents

Because you're ordering a la carte,' the waitress warned her.

'You mean I'd have to pay for not taking the eggs?' my wife asked incredulously.

'YES!!' stated the waitress.

'I'll take the special then.' my wife said.

'How do you want your eggs?' the waitress asked.

'Raw and in the shell,' my wife replied.

She took the two eggs home.

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'If you don't read the newspaper you are uninformed;

if you do read the newspaper you are misinformed.'

-Mark Twain

 

Suppose you were an idiot. And suppose you were a

member of Congress.... But then I repeat myself.

-Mark Twain

 

I contend that for a nation to try to tax itself into

prosperity is like a man standing in a bucket

and trying to lift himself up by the handle.

-Winston Churchill

 

A government which robs Peter to pay Paul can always depend on the support of Paul.

- George Bernard Shaw

 

A liberal is someone who feels a great debt to his

fellow man, which debt he proposes to pay off with your money.

-G. Gordon Liddy

 

Democracy must be something more than two wolves and a

sheep voting on what to have for dinner.

-James Bovard, Civil Libertarian (1994)

 

Foreign aid might be defined as a transfer of money

from poor people in rich countries to rich people in poor countries.

-Douglas Casey,

 

Giving money and power to government is like giving

whiskey and car keys to teenage boys.

-P.J. O'Rourke, Civil Libertarian

 

Government is the great fiction, through which

everybody endeavors to live at the expense of everybody else.

-Frederic Bastiat, French Economist (1801-1850)

 

I don't make jokes... I just watch the government and

report the facts.

-Will Rogers

 

If you think health care is expensive now, wait until you see what it costs when it's free!

- P.J. O'Rourke

 

In general, the art of government consists of taking as much money

as possible from one party of the citizens to give to the other.

-Voltaire (1764)

 

Just because you do not take an interest in politics

doesn't mean politics won't take an interest in you!

-Pericles (430 B.C.)

 

No man's life, liberty, or property is safe while the legislature is in session

-Mark Twain (1866 )

 

Talk is cheap...except when Congress does it.

-Unknown

 

The inherent vice of capitalism is the unequal sharing

of the blessings. The inherent blessing of socialism

is the equal sharing of misery.

-Winston Churchill

 

The only difference between a tax man and a

taxidermist is that the taxidermist leaves the skin.

-Mark Twain

 

The ultimate result of shielding men from the effects

of folly is to fill the world with fools.

-Herbert Spencer, English Philosopher (1820-1903)

 

There is no distinctly Native American criminal

class...save Congress.

-Mark Twain

 

What this country needs are more unemployed politicians.

-Edward Langley, Artist (1928 - 1995)

 

 

AND THE BEST ONE.......

 

A government big enough to give you everything you

want, is strong enough to take everything you have.

-Thomas Jefferson

tjones1935

 

If you can't fix it with a hammer you have an electrical problem.

.

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  • 4 weeks later...

ON TELEVISION TODAY, A DEMOCRATIC OPERATIVE POINTED OUT THAT WHEN OBAMA HOLDS A RALLY 25-30,000 PEOPLE SHOW UP, WHEREAS, WHEN McCAIN HOLDS A RALLY, HE ONLY DRAWS 10-15,000. THE REPUBLICAN SPOKESMAN REPLIED, "THAT'S BECAUSE McCAIN'S SUPPORTERS ARE AT WORK."

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Personally, I tell my dear wife never to open the door to strangers:

 

 

 

There is not one dirty word in it, and it is funny!--

 

 

The Smiths were unable to conceive children and decided to use a surrogate father to start their family. On the day the proxy father was to arrive, Mr. Smith kissed his wife goodbye and said, 'Well, I'm off now. The man should be here soon.'

 

Half an hour later, just by chance, a door-to-door baby photographer happened to ring the doorbell, hoping to make a sale. 'Good morning, Ma'am', he said, 'I've come to...'

 

'Oh, no need to explain,' Mrs. Smith cut in, embarrassed, 'I've been expecting you.'

 

'Have you really?' said the photographer. 'Well, that's good. Did you know babies are my specialty?'

 

'Well that's what my husband and I had hoped. Please come in and have a seat'.

 

After a moment she asked, blushing, 'Well, where do we start?'

 

'Leave everything to me. I usually try two in the bathtub, one on the couch, and perhaps a couple on the bed. And sometimes the living room floor is fun. You can really spread out there.'

 

'Bathtub, living room floor? No wonder it didn't work out for Harry and me!'

 

'Well, Ma'am, none of us can guarantee a good one every time. But if we try several different positions and I shoot from six or seven angles, I'm sure you'll be pleased with the results.'

 

'My, that's a lot!', gasped Mrs. Smith.

 

'Ma'am, in my line of work a man has to take his time. I'd love to be In and out in five minutes, but I'm sure you'd be disappointed with that.'

 

'Don't I know it,' said Mrs. Smith quietly.

 

The photographer opened his briefcase and pulled out a portfolio of his baby pictures. 'This was done on the top of a bus,' he said.

 

'Oh, my God!' Mrs. Smith exclaimed, grasping at her throat.

 

'And these twins turned out exceptionally well - when you consider their mother was so difficult to work with.'

 

'She was difficult?' asked Mrs. Smith.

 

'Yes, I'm afraid so. I finally had to take her to the park to get the job done right. People were crowding around four and five deep to get a good look'

 

'Four and five deep?' said Mrs. Smith, her eyes wide with amazement.

 

'Yes', the photographer replied. 'And for more than three hours, too. The moth er was constantly squealing and yelling - I could hardly concentrate, and when darkness approached I had to rush my shots. Finally, when the squirrels began nibbling on my equipment, I just had to pack it all in.'

 

Mrs. Smith leaned forward. 'Do you mean they actually chewed on your, uh...equipment?'

 

'It's true, Ma'am, yes.. Well, if you're ready, I'll set-up my tripod and we can get to work right away.'

 

'Tripod?'

 

'Oh yes, Ma'am. I need to use a tripod to rest my Canon on. It's much too big to be held in the hand very long.'

Mrs. Smith fainted

 

_________________

oRV

75065 Lifetime Member

2010 Phaeton 40 QTH

2014 Honda CR-V Toad

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A man is dining in a fancy restaurant and there is a gorgeous redhead sitting at the next table.

He has been checking her out since he sat down, but lacks the nerve to talk with her.

Suddenly she sneezes, and her glass eye comes flying out of its socket toward the man.

He reflexively reaches out, grabs it out of the air, and hands it back.

'Oh my, I am so sorry,' the woman says as she pops her eye back in place.

'Let me buy your dinner to make it up to you,' she says.

They enjoy a wonderful dinner together, and afterwards they go to the theatre followed by drinks.

They talk, they laugh, she shares her deepest dreams and he shares his. She listens.

After paying for everything, she asks him if he would like to come to her place for a nightcap and stay for breakfast.

They had a wonderful, wonderful time.

The next morning, she cooks a gourmet meal with all the trimmings.

The guy is amazed. Everything had been SO incredible!

'You know,' he said, 'you are the perfect woman.

Are you this nice to every guy you meet?' 'No,' she replies. . .

Wait for it. . .... It's coming. .

The suspense is killing you, isn't it?

Scroll down... >>>

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She says: "You just happened to catch my eye." HAR HAR HAR!!! GOOD 1 HUH ??? I JUST HAD TO PASS IT ON...

YOU NEVER KNOW UNTIL YOU KNOW, AND THEN YOU KNOW YOU KNOW !!! YOU KNOW ???

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