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Can I SMILE today?


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38' 1996 Alfa Gold

FREE MASON Home Blue Lodge #64/Lake Havasu, AZ.

who said? "No free man shall ever be debarred the use of arms. The strongest reason for the people to retain the right to keep and bear arms is, as a last resort, to protect themselves against tyranny in government."

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A man goes into his dentist's office because something is wrong with his mouth.

 

 

 

After a brief examination the dentist exclaims, "Holy Smoke! That plate I installed in your mouth about six months ago has nearly completely corroded. What on earth have you been eating?"

 

 

 

The man replied, "Well, the only thing I can think of is this.... my wife made me some asparagus about four months ago with this stuff on it. Hollandaise sauce she called it.

 

 

 

'And doctor, I'm talking delicious' I've never tasted anything like it. And ever since then I've been putting it on everything ---- meat, fish, toast, vegetables--you name it."

 

 

 

The dentist responded. "That's probably it. Hollandaise sauce is made with lemon juice, which is acidic and highly corrosive. It seems as though I'll have to install a new plate, but this time made out of chrome."

 

 

 

"Why chrome?" the man asked.

 

 

 

The dentist replied, "Well, everyone knows that there's no plate like chrome for the Hollandaise.

 

 

 

There if that did not get you into the Christmas spirit nothing will..........

tjones1935

 

If you can't fix it with a hammer you have an electrical problem.

.

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Attention - Wal-Mart Shoppers

 

Mr. and Mrs. McNeilly are retired, and Mrs. McNeilly insists her husband go with her to Wal-Mart, but he gets bored with all the shopping trips. He prefers to get in and get out, but Mrs. McNeilly loves to browse.

 

Here's a letter sent to the Mrs. >From Wal-Mart...

 

Dear Mrs. McNeilly:

Over the past six months, your husband has been causing quite a commotion in our store. We cannot tolerate this behavior and may ban both of you from our stores. We have documented all incidents on our video surveillance equipment. All complaints against Mr. McNeilly are listed below.

 

Things Mr. McNeilly has done while his spouse was shopping in Wal-Mart:

 

1. June 15: Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people's carts when they weren't looking.

 

2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals.

 

3. July 7: Made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the restrooms.

 

4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official tone, "Code 3 in housewares" .. and watched what happened.

 

5. August 4: Went to the Service Desk and asked to put a bag of M&M's on layaway.

 

6. September 14: Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.

 

7. September 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told other shoppers he'd invite them in if they'll bring pillows from the bedding department.

 

8. September 23: When a clerk asks if they can help him, he begins to cry and asks, 'Why can't you people just leave me alone?'

 

9. October 4: Looked right into the security camera; used it as a mirror, and picked his nose.

 

10. November 10: While handling guns in the hunting department, asked the clerk if he knows where the antidepressants are.

 

11. December 3: Darted around the store suspiciously loudly humming the "Mission Impossible" theme.

 

 

12. December 6: In the auto department, practiced his "Madonna look" using different size funnels.

 

13. December 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browse through, yelled "PICK ME!" "PICK ME!"

 

14. December 21: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he assumes the fetal position and screams "NO! NO! It's those voices again!!!!"

 

And last, but not least ..

 

15. December 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited a while, then yelled very loudly, "There is no toilet paper in here!"

 

Happy shopping, Wal-Mart

= = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = =

= = = = = = = = = = = = = = =

Yes, there really is a COOL, California.

Judy, Luke, and GSD Miss Shade

SKP# 89390 - Boomers, SKP Elks, SKP Geocachers, Chapt. 8

CoolRVers on the Road Blog

Selling 2007 Itasca Horizon 40TD and 06 Honda CR-V

2019 Dynamax Isata 3 Series 24FW

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Power of Blonde Prayer

 

 

 

A blonde was driving down the street in a sweat because she had an important meeting and couldn't find a parking place. Looking up toward heaven, she said, "Lord, take pity on me. If you find me a parking place I will go to Mass every Sunday for the rest of my life and give up sex and tequila." Miraculously, a parking place appeared.

 

 

 

She looked up again and said, "Never mind. I found one."

tjones1935

 

If you can't fix it with a hammer you have an electrical problem.

.

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EXERCISE FOR SENIORS

 

I am only passing this onto my senior friends - (don't be offended - old is old). If you don't have a gym membership, try this. I came across this exercise suggested for seniors, to build muscle strength in the arms and shoulders. It seems so easy, so I thought I'd pass it on. The article suggested doing it three days a week.

 

Begin by standing on a comfortable surface, where you have plenty of room at each side. With a 5-lb. potato sack in each hand, extend your arms straight out from your sides, and hold them there as long as you can.

 

Try to reach a full minute, then relax. Each day, you'll find that you can hold this position for just a bit longer.

 

After a couple of weeks, move up to 10-lb. potato sacks. Then 50-lb. potato sacks, and then eventually try to get to where you can lift a 100-lb. potato sack in each hand and hold your arms straight for more than a full minute.

 

Once you feel confident at that level, put a potato in each of the sacks.

Gypsy Journal RV Travel Newspaper

http://gypsyjournalrv.com/category/nicksblog/

Author of "Meandering Down The Highway, A Year On The Road With Fulltime RVers" and "Work Your Way Across The USA, You Can Travel & Earn A Living Too!"

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At this time of year it's especially nice to remember why......

Men Are Just Happier People--

>

> What do you expect from such simple creatures? Your last name stays put. The garage is all yours. Wedding plans take care of themselves. Chocolate is just another snack. You can be President You can never be pregnant. You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park. You can wear NO shirt to a water park. Car mechanics tell you the truth.

> The world is your urinal. You never have to drive to another gas station restroom because this one is just too icky. You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt. Same work, more pay. Wrinkles add character. Wedding dress~$5000. Tux rental~$100. People never stare at your chest when you're talking to them The occasional well-rendered belch is practically expected. New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet. One mood all the time. Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat. You know stuff about tanks.

> A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase. You can open all your own jars. You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness. If someone forgets to invite you, he or she can still be your friend. Your underwear is $8.95 for a three-pack. Three pairs of shoes are more than enough. You never have strap problems in public. You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes.

> Everything on your face stays its original color. The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades. You only have to shave your face and neck. You can play with toys all your life. Your belly usually hides your big hips. One wallet and one pair of shoes - one color for all seasons. You can wear shorts no matter how your legs look. You can "do" your nails with a pocket knife. You have freedom of choice concerning growing a mustache. You can do Christmas shopping for 23 relatives on December 24 in 25 minutes.

> No wonder men are happier.

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Christmas, that time of year when people descend into the bunker of the family. - Byron Rogers

 

Merry Christmas to all.

38' 1996 Alfa Gold

FREE MASON Home Blue Lodge #64/Lake Havasu, AZ.

who said? "No free man shall ever be debarred the use of arms. The strongest reason for the people to retain the right to keep and bear arms is, as a last resort, to protect themselves against tyranny in government."

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I got this forwarded from fellow SKP Pam Ridgeley and laughed so hard I cried.

 

Waxing

 

The things we women will try??? CAUTION: Be prepared to laugh out loud... I laughed till I almost cried as I could just see this happening!

 

All hair removal methods have tricked women with their promises of easy, painless removal - The epilady, scissors, razors, Nair and now... the wax.

 

My night began as any other normal weeknight. Come home, fix dinner, and play with the kids. I then had the thought that would ring painfully in my mind for the next few hours: "Maybe I should pull the waxing kit out of the medicine cabinet." So I headed to the site of my demise: the bathroom.

 

It was one of those "cold wax" kits. No melting a clump of hot wax, you just rub the strips together in your hand, they get warm and you peel them apart and press them to your leg (or wherever else)and you pull the hair right off. No muss, no fuss. How hard can it be? I mean, I'm not a genius, but I am mechanically inclined enough to figure this out.

 

(YA THINK!?!)

 

So I pull one of the thin strips out. Its two strips facing each other stuck together. Instead of rubbing them together, my genius kicks in so I get out the hair dryer and heat it to 1000 degrees.

("Cold wax,"yeah... right!) I lay the strip across my thigh. Hold the skin around it tight and pull. It works! OK, so it wasn't the best feeling, but it wasn't too bad. I can do this! Hair removal no longer eludes me! I am She- rah, fighter of all wayward body hair and maker of smooth skin extraordinaire.

 

With my next wax strip I move north. After checking on the kids, I sneak back into the bathroom, for the ultimate hair fighting

championship. I drop my panties and place one foot on the toilet.

 

Using the same procedure, I apply the one strip across the right side of my bikini line, covering the right half of my *hoo-hoo* and

stretching down to the inside of my butt cheek Yes, it was a long strip) I inhale deeply and brace myself.... RRRRIIIPPP!!!!

 

I'm blind!!! Blinded from pain!!!!.... OH MY GOD!!!!!!!!! Vision returning, I notice that I've only managed to pull off half the

strip.

 

CRAP!!!

 

Another deep breath and RRIIPP!! Everything is swirly and spotted. I think I may pass out... must stay conscious.. Do I hear crashing drums???

 

Breathe, breathe... OK, back to normal.

 

I want to see my trophy - a wax covered strip, the one that has caused me so much pain, with my hairy pelt sticking to it. I want to revel in the glory that is my triumph over body hair. I hold up the strip!

 

There's no hair on it. Where is the hair??? WHERE IS THE WAX???

 

Slowly I ease my head down, foot still perched on the toilet. I see the hair. The hair that should be on the strip. I touch. I am touching wax!

 

CRAP! I run my fingers over the most sensitive part of my body, which is now covered in cold wax and matted hair.

 

Then I make the next BIG mistake... remember my foot is still propped up on the toilet? I know I need to do something. So I put my foot down.

 

DANG!!!!!!!! I hear the slamming of a cell door. *hoo-hoo* Sealedshut!

Butt?? Sealed shut!

 

I penguin walk around the bathroom trying to figure out what to do and think to myself "Please don't let me get the urge to poop. My head may pop off!"

 

What can I do to melt the wax? Hot water!! Hot

water melts wax!!! I'll run the hottest water I can stand into the bathtub, get in, immerse the wax-covered bits and the wax should melt and I can gently wipe it off, right???

 

WRONG!!!!!!!

 

I get in the tub - the water is slightly hotter than that used to torture prisoners of war or sterilize surgical equipment. I sit.

 

Now, the only thing worse than having your nether regions glued together is having them glued together and then glued to the bottom of

the tub... in scalding hot water. Which, by the way, doesn't melt cold wax.

 

So, now I'm stuck to the bottom of the tub as though I had cement-epoxied myself to the porcelain!! God bless the man who had convinced me a few months ago to have a phone put in the

bathroom!!!!!

 

I call my friend, thinking surely she has waxed before and have some secret of how to get me undone. It's a very good conversation starter:

 

"So, my butt and who-ha are glued together to the bottom of the tub!"

There is a slight pause. She doesn't know any secret tricks for removal but she does try to hide her laughter from me. She wants to know exactly where the wax is located, "Are we talking cheeks or who-ha?"

 

She's laughing out loud by now... I can hear her. I give her the rundown and she suggests I call the number on the side of the box.

 

YEAH!!!!! Right!! I should be the joke of someone else's night. While we go through various solutions, I resort to scraping the wax off with a razor.

 

Nothing feels better then to have your girlie goodies covered in hot wax, glued shut, stuck to the tub in super hot water and then dry-shaving the sticky wax off!!

 

By now the brain is not working, dignity has taken a major hike and I'm pretty sure I'm going to need Post-Traumatic Stress counselling for this event.

 

My friend is still talking with me when I finally see my saving grace.... the lotion they give you to remove the excess wax. What do I really have to lose at this point? I rub some on and OH MY GOD!!!!!!!

 

The scream probably woke the kids and scared the dickens out of my friend.

 

It's sooo painful, but I really don't care. "IT WORKS!! It works!!" I get a hearty congratulation from my friend and she hangs up.

 

I successfully remove the remainder of the wax and then notice to my grief and despair.... THE HAIR IS STILL THERE....... ALL OF IT!!!!!!!!!!

 

So I recklessly shave it off. Heck, I'm numb by now. Nothing hurts. I could have amputated my own leg at this point.

 

Next week I'm going to try hair colour......

Gypsy Journal RV Travel Newspaper

http://gypsyjournalrv.com/category/nicksblog/

Author of "Meandering Down The Highway, A Year On The Road With Fulltime RVers" and "Work Your Way Across The USA, You Can Travel & Earn A Living Too!"

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Nick .....

I think You need help...............

38' 1996 Alfa Gold

FREE MASON Home Blue Lodge #64/Lake Havasu, AZ.

who said? "No free man shall ever be debarred the use of arms. The strongest reason for the people to retain the right to keep and bear arms is, as a last resort, to protect themselves against tyranny in government."

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Several highly paid mental health professionals have tried, RW, it just hasn't worked icon_eek.gif

Gypsy Journal RV Travel Newspaper

http://gypsyjournalrv.com/category/nicksblog/

Author of "Meandering Down The Highway, A Year On The Road With Fulltime RVers" and "Work Your Way Across The USA, You Can Travel & Earn A Living Too!"

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Can I SMILE today?

 

I for one need to SMILE each day cuz' somedays I just get so down with mans arrogance and in-humanity to man.

 

Today I want to thank all of those who have shown LEE and KEN kindness , caring and hope with your love.

 

You all have made my day! icon_smile.gif

38' 1996 Alfa Gold

FREE MASON Home Blue Lodge #64/Lake Havasu, AZ.

who said? "No free man shall ever be debarred the use of arms. The strongest reason for the people to retain the right to keep and bear arms is, as a last resort, to protect themselves against tyranny in government."

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Why men die first is a question that has gone unanswered for centuries, but now we know:

 

If you put a woman on a pedestal and try to protect her from the rat race, you're a male chauvinist; if you stay home and do the housework, you're a pansy.

 

If you work too hard, there's never any time for her; if you don't work enough, you're a good-for-nothing bum.

 

If she has a boring repetitive job with low pay, this is exploitation; if you have a boring repetitive job with low pay, you should get off your lazy ass and find something better.

 

If you get a promotion ahead of her, that is favoritism; if she gets a job ahead of you, it's equal opportunity.

 

If you mention how nice she looks, it's sexual harassment; if you keep quiet it's male indifference.

 

If you cry, you're a wimp; if you don't, you're an insensitive bastard.

 

If you make a decision without consulting her, you're a chauvinist; if she makes a decision without consulting you, she's a liberated woman.

 

If you ask her to do something she doesn't enjoy, that's domination; if she asks you, it's a favor.

 

If you appreciate the female form and frilly underwear, you're a pervert; if you don't, you're gay.

 

If you like a woman to shave her legs and keep in shape, you're sexist; if you don't, you're unromantic.

If you try to keep yourself in shape, you're vain; if you don't, you're a slob.

 

If you buy her flowers, you're after something; if you don't, you're not thoughtful.

If you're proud of your achievements, you're full of yourself; if you aren't you're not ambitious.

If she has a headache, she's tired; if you have a headache, you don't love her anymore.

 

Men die first because they want to.

 

Nick, an Indian told me this.

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THE DUCK IS DEAD... icon_smile.gif

 

 

A woman brought a very limp duck into a veterinary surgeon.

 

As she lay her pet on the table, the vet pulled out his stethoscope and listened to the bird's chest. After a moment or two, the vet shook his head sadly and said, "I'm so sorry, your Duck, Cuddles, has passed away."

 

The distressed owner wailed, "Are you sure? "Yes, I am sure. The duck is dead," he replied.

 

"How can you be so sure," she protested. "I mean, you haven't done any testing on him or anything. He might just be in a coma or something."

 

The vet rolled his eyes, turned around and left the room, and returned a few moments later with a black Labrador Retriever.

 

As the duck's owner looked on in amazement, the dog stood on his hind legs, put his front paws on the examination table and sniffed the duck from top to bottom. He then looked at the vet with sad eyes and shook his head.

 

The vet patted the dog and took it out, and returned a few moments later with a cat.

 

The cat jumped up on the table and also sniffed delicately at the bird from head to foot The cat sat back on its haunches, shook its head, meowed softly and strolled out of the room.

 

The vet looked at the woman and said, "I'm sorry, but as I said, this is most definitely, 100% certifiably, a dead duck."

 

Then the vet turned to his computer terminal, hit a few keys and produced a bill, which he handed to the woman.

 

The duck's owner, still in shock, took the bill. "$150!", she cried, "$150 just to tell me my duck is dead!!

 

The vet shrugged. "I'm sorry. If you'd taken my word for it, the bill would have been $20 but with the Lab Report and the Cat Scan, it's now $150.00.

Pam & Bob Wallace

SKP #95184 - Class of 2007

2001 Royals International RW3841

2001 International 4700LP DT530E

Our Location

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A little boy goes to his father and asks, "Daddy, how was I born?" The father answers: "Well, son, I guess one day you will need to find out. Your Mom and I first got together in a chat room on Yahoo. Then I set up a date via e-mail with your Mom and we met at a cyber-cafe. We sneaked into a secluded room, where your mother agreed to do a download from my hard drive.

As soon as I was ready to upload, we discovered that neither one of us had used a firewall, and since it was too late to hit the delete button, nine months later a blessed little Pop-Up appeared and said:

 

"You've Got Male!"

38' 1996 Alfa Gold

FREE MASON Home Blue Lodge #64/Lake Havasu, AZ.

who said? "No free man shall ever be debarred the use of arms. The strongest reason for the people to retain the right to keep and bear arms is, as a last resort, to protect themselves against tyranny in government."

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Yes I can remember this.

(you'll need (pc)speed to see this)

http://oldfortyfives.com/DYRT.htm

38' 1996 Alfa Gold

FREE MASON Home Blue Lodge #64/Lake Havasu, AZ.

who said? "No free man shall ever be debarred the use of arms. The strongest reason for the people to retain the right to keep and bear arms is, as a last resort, to protect themselves against tyranny in government."

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Hope I don't offend anyone, but I just couldn't help myself. It is just too funny. I was wondering the same thing!!! (not really)

 

On their way to get married, a young Catholic couple is involved

in a fatal car accident.

 

The couple found themselves sitting outside the Pearly Gates

waiting for St.Peter to process them into Heaven. While waiting,

they begin to wonder:could they possibly get married in Heaven?

 

When St. Peter showed up, they asked him. St. Peter says, " I

don't know. This is the first time anyone has asked. Let me go

find out, " and he leaves.

 

The couple sat and waited, and waited. Two months passed;

the couple was still waiting. As they waited, they discussed that

if they were allowed to get married in Heaven, what was the

eternal aspect of it all. "

 

What if it doesn't work? " they wondered, " Are we stuck

together FOREVER? "

 

After yet another month, St . Peter finally returns, looking

somewhat bedraggled. " Yes, " he informs the couple, " you can

get married in Heaven. "

 

" Great! " said the couple, " But we were just wondering,

what if things don't work out? Could we also get a divorce

in Heaven? "

 

St. Peter, red-faced with anger, slams his clipboard onto the

ground.

 

" What's wrong? " asked the frightened couple.

 

" OH, COME ON! " St. Peter shouts, " It took me three

months to find a priest up here! Do you have ANY idea how

long it's going to take me to find a LAWYER? "

Please Visit our blog

http://www.blazingsaddles2.blogspot.com/

Alfa Gold w/double Refr's,, day bed and office chairs in living rm.

New 32"Sony LCD,,Espresso machine

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A Florida couple, Moe and Floe both well up in their 80s go to a sex therapist's office. The doctor asks, "What can I do for you?"

 

Moe says, "Will you watch us make love?"

 

The doctor raises both eye brows but he is so amazed that such an elderly couple is asking for sexual advice that he agrees.

 

When the couple finished, the doctor told them there was absolutely nothing

wrong with the way they made love. He thanked them for coming, wished them good luck, charged them $50 and said goodbye.

 

The next week the couple returned and asked the doctor to watch again. The doctor is a bit puzzled, but agrees.

 

This happened several weeks in a row-they would make an appointment,

make love, pay the doctor $50 and leave.

 

Finally after 6 or 8 weeks of this routine, the doctor says, "I'm sorry, but I have to ask, just what are you trying to find out?"

 

Moe says, "We're not trying to find out anything. She's married and we can't go to her house. I'm married and we can't go to my house. The Holiday Inn charges $98, the Hilton charges $125. We come here and pay you $50

and---I get $43 back from MEDICARE."

tjones1935

 

If you can't fix it with a hammer you have an electrical problem.

.

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